LegoMystique

I got into law school.

2008-12-23T20:39:00.001-05:00

I got into law school.

I got into a good law school.

I got into a good law school in a great city.

I got into a good law school.

I got into law school.

Fuck.

reasons why I shouldn't go to law school

2008-12-17T23:17:00.003-05:00

I spent the last six months of my life studying for the LSAT, taking the LSAT, preparing my law school applications, and hounding past professors for recommendations.

Now that all of my applications are sent out and all that is left to do is wait, I can't help but compile a list of all the reasons why law school is the wrong choice for me (which will come in handy in the event that I should not get accepted anywhere).

This is what I have come up with so far:

-I won't be the smartest person in every one of my classes anymore

-I'll probably have to stop wearing my watermelon hair clips and alligator t-shirt

-The boys will be assholes (upside: my classes will no longer be populated by a majority of girls and selected males who all happen to be gay)

-I will most likely have to move away from my awesome, tiny, million floor walkup apartment

-I'll have a permanent sore back from carrying heavy textbooks around

-My fabulous, sky blue, Mat&Nat bookbag will no longer be able to get me through semesters

That is all I have so far.

But I'm sure the list will grow as I become more and more anxious.

Now I Remember!

2008-11-25T00:04:00.002-05:00

I want to fuck Jeremy Pivens.

No. Correction-

I WILL fuck Jeremy Pivens.

That is all.

Oh and Sweetest Girl by Wyclef Jean is the greatest song of all time.

done;

So Close To Posting Something Real

2008-11-24T21:52:00.002-05:00

AHHHH I had something really important to post, hence my unexpected presence here.

But then, in my long awaited return from the cyber-dead, i forgot my password into this place.

and after ten minutes of trying to figure it out, I forgot about what I originally came here for...

Whatever, I'm going to go eat some ranch flavoured crackers.

Peace.

i hate blogging

2008-02-04T01:03:00.000-05:00

rawr.

suck it, cyberfreaks.

life goals

2008-02-04T00:49:00.000-05:00

things i want to be when i grow up:

-a professional guitar hero player
-a professional rock, paper, scissors player
-a professional something
-posh spice
-no longer sick with the flu
-a half bat, half unicorn

I'm feeling inspired...

2007-12-26T21:04:00.000-05:00

The worst thing you can ever do for yourself is get a 9-5 job and then go on two weeks vacation.

Its been quite a ride since I first started "blogging":

When I first ventured into this realm of cyber ponders and techno babble, I had just entered university, a bright-eyed eager first year student. I spent my days eating carbs and drinking coffee, complaining about professors and bad weather, and judging everyone and everything.

Now I am a grownup:
-I wake up at 6:30am every day to get to work for 8:30am.
-I brew my own coffee in my super cool coffee maker with timer.
-I pay bills and buy things like swiffer refills and kitchen sponges.
-I have not eaten a poutine in almost a year.
-I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, thinking of all the things at work I forgot to do.

I have to say that I have adapted quite well to this adult lifestyle. For someone who used to throw blind fits when woken up before noon, I function surprisingly well before the sun rises. Fattening "college" food has become a thing of the past, and I have traded them in for calorie reduced salad dressings and lean meats. And though I spend a lot of time avoiding any real responsibility at work, I have somehow managed to convince people of my work status credibility.

But-
All this progress was thrown out the window last week.
And how, you ask?

I went on two weeks vacation.

I felt my first taste of freedom a little over a week ago and spent the next five days on a euphoric high, running on pure adrenaline. It became night after night of bar hopping and french frie eating. I was suddenly invincible and my life became a place where I could down vodka and red bulls until 4am, where I could meet boys and regret them the next day, where I could tell my roomate what a douchebag hagface she was and wonder why she wasn't talking to me the next day, and where I could play video games until sunrise without feeling any shame.

Now this is all good except-
When you are used to waking up at 6:30am every morning, your body becomes incapable of sleeping in past certain hours. Five days in a row I would crash at around 5-5:30am and wake up no later than 8:30am. But thank god for second winds right? and third winds and fourth winds and fifth...

Needless to say, I crashed around day six and am still recovering three days later.

I never want to go back to work again.
I am becoming a full-time vacationer.

and Oh ya...
Merry Christmas and stuff.
I still don't understand why people buy so many fricken presents.
Don't they all just become obsolete and meaningless after you open the tenth present or so?

It's Friday Night and I'm Alone

2007-07-20T21:27:00.000-04:00

Whatever.

It happens sometimes, so don't judge me.

It is 9:29pm on a friday night and I am sitting on my couch, channel surfing, blogging, and counting the minutes until it is no longer too early to go to bed.

My roommate is out somewhere, being young or something, and the apartment is nice and quiet.

Here is a play by play of what I have done during my friday night alone time (which can also be used as proof of why I should never be left alone at all):

-I ate 3 smores Poptarts (I'm not even sure how Poptarts made their way into my apartment)

-I bit off all of my nails (two of which I bit too far down and are now screaming in pain)

-I watched more commercials than television shows due to channel flipping

-I painted all my toenails different colours

-I tried on all of my roommates' shoes and then forgot what order she had them in

-I had a mini fit of rage over the lack of an air conditioner in my apartment and then stopped when I realized that air conditioning gives me a rash.

And thats pretty much it.
I'm gonna go watch A Model Life and then call it a night.
'Night.

OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN

2007-06-26T07:49:00.000-04:00

I forgot about my blog for the tenth billionth time.

I guess that means I should probably write something profound to make up for it...

But I'm not going to...
Instead, I am going to write a rushed haiku, while I sip my coffee and get ready for work.

DUST:
Dust surrounds me here.
Damp, Smelly Cave. Makes me sneeze.
When did I last clean?

I will leave you with one final thought, as I flee my apartment, late as usual:

Why does Special K taste so much better than Rice Krispies?

my favorite time to poo...

2007-05-19T19:17:00.000-04:00

... is after i have had three cups of coffee.

also,

my favorite time to nap is in the early evening.

and

my favorite thing to watch is How It's Made.
...i especially liked the episode on skateboards.

thats all.

WHY...

2007-05-13T07:58:00.000-04:00

...Are cyclists so damn self-righteous??

Just because I drive a car, doesn't mean I don't own a recycling bin.

I've seen An Inconvenient Truth and I believe in global warming...

I just think its all irrelevant when a supernova could explode at any moment, sending an overabundance of gamma rays to earth, and changing our genetic makeup as we know it.

When that day comes, no one will be thinking about global warming.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR BLOG!

2007-05-07T16:06:00.000-04:00

Do you ever meet someone and while you're talking to them, they invite you to visit their blog?

I don't fully understand this world where people use this online domain and instead of engaging in face to face debate, pursuade you to continue the conversation via blog entries.
Do these people not understand that nobody cares that they have a blog?

I don't really know why I find myself surfing through blogs sometimes, but if I have to browse through yet another mundane blog about political crossfires or somebody's children, I may just throw myself off a cyber-cliff.

I don't care what political party you support or what birds you like to watch.

I don't care if you like to write poetry and I CERTAINLY don't care if you think American Idol Gives Back was inspirational.

Somebody please give me something entertaining to read.

Signed,

An uninspired blogger

uncanny resemblance

2007-05-04T12:04:00.000-04:00

Columbia Pictures Lady and Celine Dion

i noticed this last night for the first time last night, when i went to go see Spiderman 3 on the BIGGGG screen at the imax theatre.

Spiderman 3, by the way, s-u-c-k-e-d.

I'd prefer to call it Spiderman 3.7 Hyperdrive

2006-06-24T01:05:00.000-04:00

the internet won't let me access my page?!?!?!

RGTIGDSLFRGFROG@#@%#@!@#@$@!!

whatever.

i'll just write things and never get to see them!

i leave for retard kid camp in two days.

now i'm going to go watch shalom in the home.

GOODNIGHT!

@#$#@%$%$!

i'm the world's biggest baby...and i need to move out of my parents' house

2006-06-15T09:01:00.000-04:00

last night, i went out and drank too much beer.

4:25am, i threw up a few intestines.

5:50am, i threw up the rest.

...then i crawled into my mother's bed and cried and stayed there till 9am.

I'm a fraud

2006-02-18T16:19:00.000-05:00

I have an ipod.

not just any ipod.

the VIDEO ipod.

in honour of such news, i invite you to visit a post from my glory days:
http://legomystique.blogspot.com/2004/11/ipod-youpod-we-all-pod-for-ipod.html

the days of inspiration are gone, indeed.

on another note, finding the money to buy an ipod is only half the battle...
itunes almost ruined my life.

the reason why i'm still a virgin:

2005-12-10T01:35:00.000-05:00

...i'm saving myself for john malkovitch.

a university student's survival guide to final exams- written by a true underachiever

2005-12-03T00:02:00.000-05:00

1) begin contemplation of study schedules a month prior to finals. it will take about 3 and a half weeks to actually implement one.

2) study anywhere except your place of residence. all places of residence have immediate curses placed upon them when you enroll at a university.

3) coffee can be used as a meal replacer, but only for two meals a day at most. i wouldn't suggest stretching it to three, but go with what feels right.

4) if you are looking for inspiration, i would suggest watching a few episodes of Felicity to see what real college kids do at exam time.

5) change study locations daily. once you've successfully completed a study session at a said establishment, it loses its charm.

6) takes naps during the day. after midnight is the perfect time to power study- please note that the residence curse is not in effect between the hours of 12am-5am. you may use this time slot to study at home.

7) yes, crying IS a sign of weakness.

8) no, breakdown is NOT an option.

9) if you are going to keep your cell phone on while studying, leave on a generic ringtone, as to avoid getting a tune stuck in your head.

10) wear unattractive clothing during study sessions outside of the house. now is NOT the time to meet boys... unless they are in your class and have a higher average than you. in that case, FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT!

Follow these ten tips and you are sure to make it through finals alive.
*NOTE* these tips do not guarantee high grades. only high spirits. well-not even. but you will get to watch a lot of Felicity.

good luck and god speed, my children.

10 REASONS WHY I'M GROSS

2005-11-12T00:09:00.000-05:00

1- When I clean out my ears, I like to look at the Q-Tip to see how much wax buildup I had.

2- I like to eat ketchup on my Kraft Dinner (some people find it gross in itself that I eat Kraft Dinner).

3- When I was in high school, my friends and I would watch scrambled porn at our sleepovers.

4- I still swallow my gum sometimes if I'm too lazy to find a garbage can.

5- I sometimes look like i'm biting my nails, but really I'm biting my cuticles.

6- I have sex fantasies involving John Malkovitch (don't judge me).

7- I would rather pick a wedgie than sit in discomfort all day.

8- I do my laundry more often than I wash my hair (and I don't do laundry often).

9- my clean laundry pile is usually sitting under the dirty laundry mountain.

10- I'm wearing yesterday's leftover mascara today.

What one does in privacy...

Whatever people.
However gross I am,
I bet you are all ten times worse.

WARNING: Sexual Content- READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

2005-11-05T23:58:00.000-05:00

Nobody reads my blog.

And I've come to realize why.

Although I fill my blog chock full of fun and drama, there is one thing I've left out and it is penalizing my popularity ten fold.

S.E.X.

Sex sells. Everyone knows it.
Carrie Bradshaw knows it. Jenna Jameson knows it. Fricken Jessica Simpson knows it.

Whether it's raunchy german poo on each other sex, or poolboy fantasy sex, or romantic puke me a river sex, people want to read about it (and possibly watch it).

It's everywhere. It's on tv, on the internet, in magazines, etc. etc.
If I filled my blog entries up with galant tales of sexual adventures and misadventures, I'd probably have one of the more popular blogs.

I have tried to base my blogs on other things such as yoyo tales and music rants, but the masses aren't having any of it. I understand that I need to change the content for the good of the people. I am willing to do it too. Hell, I'd sell my soul for a lot less. I am taking the lesser root. I am giving in like so many from the past have done. I will sex myself up with the best of them. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan will have nothing on me.

So here it is... a new me, a new blog, WAY new content.
Here is a start to a brand new view.
Here is my new blog, all about sex.
Here it goes:

SEX-

I'm not having any.

My So-Called Crap

2005-11-03T17:17:00.000-05:00

I am a teen drama fiend.

The older I get, the more drawn I am to overwrought, underwhelming dramatic television. Perhaps it is because my high school past was nothing but dull and eventless. Or perhaps I just have bad taste. Who knows.

When My So-Called Life first aired on ABC, I was too young to actually care. I was at the age where I was still trying to salvage a secret interest in Power Rangers while outwardly pretending to be into Beverly Hills 90210 to impress the 6th graders at my school. I therefore never got to witness the Claire Danes/Jared Leto experience.

In light of the current trend of tv shows on dvd, I decided to venture into this 90s territory. My curiosity was mostly due to the number of people who told me that this show was created for those of the likes of me. Drama, flannel, cute boys, 90s grunge music... What's not to love? (I am actually proudly a HUGE Party of Five fan, if you couldn't already guess). Now, I had never seen this show before, but I had heard an awful lot about it. Claire Danes, Jared Leto this, and that, and this and that. So I was excited. Melodramatic character meets cute, musician boy. It was going to be great!

Boy, was I disapointed!

I hate this show! I hate it with every fibre in my body! Maybe I was just setting my standards too high, but it was not what I was expecting. First of all (and many of you are going to kill me now), I HATE JARED LETO! I used to think he was hella cute (pre Lindsay Lohan Britney Spears days) but he plain old sucks in this show. Not only does he provide no crush potential, him and Claire Danes together SUCK! I hate them together. Worst couple EVER! Here I was thinking this show was supposed to be all about Claire Danes and Jared Leto and I can't even stand to watch the scenes that they share together! His character is stupid and I hate him and I wish they would have killed him off the show. Then maybe the show would have lasted!

Also, I actually find the show sort of boring. I know its supposed to be a character drama, but its still boring as hell. I hate Claire Danes' mom on the show, I think she's a douchebag. I think her little sister is a crackhead. In fact, I pretty much hate all the characters. Except Brian.

Brian (aka badboy Sean from Roswell) is the only good part about this show. Someone needs to get Brian a girlfriend. He's the only reason I might finish watching the dvds.

I still have like 10 episodes left. Maybe it will pick up.
Probably not.
This show sucks.

Did I mention I hate this show?

K, I'm gonna go watch another episode now.

------
UPDATE (added on a few hours later)

I've watched a few more episodes and now I'm beginning to resent Brian. I used to feel bad that he didn't have a girlfriend but now I am finally coming to terms with the fact that its his own fault. He needs to stop being such a loser. It's starting to get creepy... maybe if he got laid. I still love him though... Good old Brian.

WHO GAVE FREDDIE PRINZE JR. A SHOW?

2005-11-02T20:58:00.000-05:00

eh?

Karma kicked Zen's ass- 2 to 0

2005-10-26T23:31:00.000-04:00

Today I learned that no amount of zen(zational attitude) can safeguard someone from the perils of karma.

The past few weeks have been too good to be true for me. Somewhere along the way, life just became easy for me. School was a breeze and quite enjoyable, working weekends was abolished and my new job was that highlight of my week, I was spending my weekends doing things I never previously had time for (such as socializing and playing), and best of all, I had suddenly taken on this completely zen attitude towards everything.
In short- I was in the zone. I was as in the zone as one can possibly be.

Of course, as soon as you put yourself in the zone, you become a target in a shooting range. I should have figured this out earlier. Nothing is ever good for long.

I begin with a trip to my local Speedy Muffler. I usually like Speedy Muffler. The boys who work at are nice to look at and have to bend over a lot, showing off their beautiful bottom, the service is quick, and the prices are fair. Now, my father has been "nagging" me lately (and I say nagging in a completely teenage sense) about checking my brakes and each time I shrugged it off with a "if I'm about to die a la brake problems, I'd know it" kind of attitude. Boy, should I have listened to him. It is okay to be zen, but being neglectful is another story, eh? I find out that my brakes are so far gone that I could die at any moment if I get back into my car without fixing them. Now, this shouldn't be such a big problem... Wait around for an hour or two, shell out a few hundred bucks, and be on my way, right? Buttttt.... I happened to have had a class scheduled for an hour and a half later in a town that was 45 minutes away from the Speedy Muffler. Holy cow, people... if one could die from fear of not being punctual, it would have been me. Luckily, I made it there just as the children were barreling in the room.
There goes a good part of my Zen-esqueness.

Now for the clencher!
I get home, walk in the door EXHAUSTED! I had 20 minutes before I had to meet my mother, my cousins, and my aunt for dinner and I just wanted to lie down for a bit to fight off my insane headache. I let my dog outside and washed my hands while I waited for my dog to come back. When she didnt come back, I headed outside to look for her, and what do you know.... as if my day wasn't bad enough, SHE HAD HER FACE IN A PILE OF DOGGIE DIARRHEA!!! I spent the next flippin' 20 minutes cleaning poo of her stupid, ugly dog face. (can you see all the zen escaping me while you read this blog entry?). Now not only was I emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, and headache ridden, but I was covered in "I just washed diarrhea off a dog" stench. And then I was expected to sit through a meal and socialize and care about other people when all I wanted to do was repeatedly bang my big head on a really hard wall!

So that's it. Karma bit me in the ass for all the stupid things I've said and done in life (like poking my dog repeatedly with a hanger when I got particularily bored) and wiped out all the zen I had to offer in me.

Zen Schmen! That Kay Sera attitude don't fly by me.
Back to neurotic, fucktarded Steph.
She's back and she ain't never going away.
Why should life be easy and breezy when it can be harder than a young man's penis while watching girl on girl pornography?

That's it! I'm through! THE END!

p.s. there's no such thing as stop, drop, and roll in hell!

p.p.s. i have a posse of six grade girls who follow me around during mad science and clean up my messes while i explain to them the horrors of high heels. i am soooo popular. i always wanted to be the leader of a popular girl clique. it is VERY clueless. only, it's sort of the anti-clueless, seeing as i teach them to denounce all fashion.

Sunday Things

2005-10-15T01:12:00.000-04:00

The best part about quitting my job is that I have my favorite day on the week back: SUNDAY.
There are so many reasons why Sunday is my favorite day.
Sunday is when you do all those Sunday things that you would never do any other day of the week.
Sunday Things are those that you would never consider making time in your week schedule for.
The essential root of the word Sunday is Lame. You do lame, quaint things on Sundays.
As kids, many of us were brought up to consider Sunday as family day. On Sunday, you go shopping as a family (usually for 'lame' things like garden materials and groceries at the outdoor market).
Sunday is a day for apple picking, pumpkin picking, museum scouting, house decorating, flea markets, outdoor carnivals, drives to the country, drives to the mountains, etc.
Sunday is the day where we forget we have to go to work and school the next day.
Sunday is the day of the week that I pretend that I am not a young, hip 20ish chick living in a hella chic city, full of hella chic people with hella chic things to do.
Yes... I love Sunday.
I have almost forgotten how great Sunday is... seeing as I haven't had one in years... (summer Sundays don't count...the weeks in summer are endless. Everyday is a Sunday, yet no days are ever quite Sunday).

--------
SIDENOTE:

Elizabethtown is the WORST movie I have ever seen. I miss the good old Cameron Crowe who made Say Anything and Jerry Maguire. This movie was over two hours of agony. Nobody could have played this part worse than Orlando Bloom. By the end of the movie, I came to the conclusion that every single character in this movie was useless! (Except Chuck and Cindy... they should make a spinoff movie just about Chuck and Cindy's wedding).
The weird part was that after about two hours, the movie completely changed directions for the last 20 minutes. I felt like somebody changed the movie and I was watching something entirely different. The cinematography was all of a sudden interesting and beautiful, the dialogue was impressive and honest, and the finally switched the horrible Orlando voiced over narration to Kirsten Dunst. It was really the only honest part of this movie. And yet I was so jaded from having to sit through two hours of that crap, that I couldn't enjoy it. Cameron Crowe had something going with those last 20 minutes... Too bad he had to go and ruin the rest of the movie.
Definitely goes down in my book of shame.
shame, shame, shame....

FUCK YOU BLOG!!!

2005-09-13T00:04:00.000-04:00

while this blog has been sitting here in a blog wasteland, i've been living the life over at myspace.com...

THAT'S RIGHT! I don't need this stickin' blog or any of you!!!

I have a new life!
A better life!

GO TO HELL!

Thanks. Bye.

p.s. why is Lost the best show EVER?!

why i can never be an adult

2005-08-28T22:49:00.000-04:00

i have a 9-5 job.
its in the city.
i have to wake up at 7am to catch the 8:20am train.
this is close to impossible for me.

the other morning, i put my skirt on backwards and only realized around noon.
yesterday i put my underwear on inside out.

this job isn't gonna work out...

How do moms know EVERYTHING?

2005-08-20T17:35:00.000-04:00

My grandmother is really sick.
She's in the hospital and will probably remain there for a long, long time.
My mom spends every moment there and for the past month has not had a single home cooked meal.
So today I woke up with a mission: I was going to cook my family dinner.
Not only was I going to cook dinner, but I was going to attempt a family favorite: my mom's famous meatballs.
I knew that this would not be an easy task. My family is very partial to these meatballs. They would taste if even one thing was out of place. But I knew that it had to be done. I would take on mission almost impossible and I would conquer it.
I was very confident until I reached the supermarket. Who knew that there were so many types of ground beef. And was ground beef the same thing as minced meat? Should I get medium or extra lean? I chose a package of medium ground beef and headed home. Once home, I realized that I had forgotten a few ingredients.
Back at the supermarket for a second time, I was fortunate enough to bump into my mother's best friend. I told her about my mission and she encouraged me to overcome my cooking qualms. I think my efforts might have touched her heart. I decided to ask her about my choice of ground beef. I showed her proudly what I had already bought and brought home. She then crushed my spirits by telling me that you use extra lean beef in meatballs, so that the sauce isn't overfowing with grease and fat. She told me to freeze the medium beef I bought and use it to make hamburgers later in the week.
On my way home with the new package of meat, and now 40$ behind because of ground beef, I thought to myself, "how will I ever be able to hack it on my own?". How do mothers know this? Is there some sort of mothers handbook? They just always seem to know what to do and how to do it. I bet my mother would have bought the extra lean ground beef without thinking about it.
I spent the next couple of hours struggling to make the meatballs without blowing up the kitchen. There were times when I wondered what ever made me think I could make meatballs. The particular moment when I thought this for the first time was when some of the meatballs started to fall apart in the sauce. But as time went on, the familiar smell eased my worries.
They look a little sloppy but they taste like meatballs to me.
The ultimate test will be when my mom and dad come home and taste them.
For now I will allow myself and hour or two of self-accomplishment.
I made meatballs.
I am a cooking extraordinaire.

...but i'm in europe: an MSN conversation

2005-06-26T13:15:00.000-04:00

do you KNOW ritalin --> me
Paris a go-go --> good good friend who went backpacking through europe this summer

Paris a go-go says: i'm in paris.

do you KNOW ritalin: i'm in my house.

Paris a go-go: luckyy

do you KNOW ritalin: no you luckyy

Paris a go-go: i bought shoes today.

do you KNOW ritalin: great. so now you're all eurofied. our friendship is over, isn't it?

Paris a go-go: no, i'm not eurofied at all. i still like ice cream, only now i call it gelato.

do you KNOW ritalin: i'm packing for my ever so exciting trip upnorth for the summer.

Paris a go-go: you should come to europe instead and hang out with me.

do you KNOW ritalin: okay, i'll go get my thousands of dollars i keep stashed under my bed...

Paris a go-go: okay... i'll wait.

do you KNOW ritalin: SHIT! I CAN'T FIND MY KILL BILL SHIRT!!

Paris a go-go: we are leaving paris tommorrow. i will miss it. it's my favorite. better than italy.

do you KNOW ritalin: I'M NOT GOING TO CAMP WITHOUT IT!

Paris a go-go: okay... but i'm in europe...

do you KNOW ritalin: where did i put it last???!!?

do you KNOW ritalin: ARRGGGEDGGFHKFDGKDF!!!! ARG!!!

Paris a go-go: I don't know but i have to go soon and this is prob the last time i will speak to you this summer.

do you KNOW ritalin: i put it in the laundry! WHERE IS IT?!?!?!!?!?!

Paris a go-go: maybe your dog ate it.

do you KNOW ritalin: I'll kill her.

Paris a go-go: haha. do it. nobody likes her anyways. she's hella ugly.

do you KNOW ritalin: this is the worst thing thats ever happened to me.

Paris a go-go: i'm sorry. i have to go though. my internet time is up and i dont want to waste anymore money.

Paris a go-go: be good. don't hurt the children.

do you KNOW ritalin: bye, pray for me. have fun and stuff. dont become europed.

Paris a go-go: bye. i miss you.

do you KNOW ritalin: i miss my kill bill shirt.

Bad publicity is better than no publicity

2005-06-22T18:07:00.000-04:00

So I got my first review ever for my blog.
How'd it go, you ask?

Well, I guess the summary reveals it all:
"a dull diary of a drama queen"

I'll give you dull, you pompus jerk!
Dull is a Sunday afternoon at the golf course.
Dull is a class on deductive logic.
DULL is your mom on the Fourth of July!!!!

I was given a 1 out of 5 for interesting content!
(although, now that I think about it, the content of my blog really isn't all that interesting... although I do tend to find myself overly amusing at times.)

STILL! Thats beside the point!

And who is this mystery reviewer, huh? HUH?!
I bet its some middle aged man who runs a blog about interest rates or something...
Now I know how Hilary Duff feels when Ebert and Roeper review her movies.
What does some stuffy old geezer know about a 20 year old's life?

And I'm SORRY that I can't seem to update my blog on a regular daily basis...
SOME of us have lives, you know!
I'm sorry if the first thing that pops into my head while making plans for a Saturday night isn't "gee, it's been awhile since I've updated my blog... Guess I gotta stay home tonight."

And DRAMA QUEEN?!
DO I LOOK LIKE A DRAMA QUEEN TO YOU????!!!!!

Okay, I'm done.
Anyone up for ice cream?

I WANT A WAVE POOL FOR JEWISH CHRISTMAS!

2005-06-21T11:46:00.000-04:00

Attention Ty Pennington:

If Extreme Makeover Home Edition ever decides to redo my house, I would like it if you just forgot the whole house thing and just used my property to build a giant wave pool, like the ones they have at waterparks. Who needs a house when you have a wave pool?

Thank you.

Signed,
A sort of fan.

Holy shit, people. I went to Super Aqua Club yesterday and it almost killed me. I have this HUGE sunburn on my back that goes from my neck down to my ankles. I spent last night on my stomach in bed cuz I couldn't move. It was kind of worth it though. They opened this new slide called the Tornado and it shoots you down this crazy drop in a tube and then you get spun in a giant cyclone as if you were in a tornado. Hot stuff, I'm telling you. But of course, my favorite part: The Wave Pool. Words cannot describe the love affair I am having with the wave pool. I would marry it if I could. Its so fun, you almost forget to think about how many kids probably peed in the water you are swallowing as the waves crash over you.

In Tom Cruise news, there was a boy at the waterpark yesterday who looked exactly like Tom Cruise. Especially with his sunglasses. But his girlfriend was no Katie Holmes.
Oh ya, Tom Cruise got squirted with a water pistol and now the FBI has opened a new department, where they hire Feds to overlook celebrity outings.

So, I've been completely convinced that Katie Holmes is a complete dolt, and then I sadly remember the movie, Pieces of April, that she was absolutely amazing in. Its a small, indie movie about the black sheep of a family who tries to cook Thanksgiving dinner for her family. Katie Holmes has died hair and goth makeup and shitty clothes in it and a turkey gets past around between apartments. Those who have not seen should go and rent it. Its a great movie.

Rilo Kiley is performing on the late late show with whatever his name tonight. The show that used to be the Craig Kilborn show. Don't know the guy hosting it much but Rilo Kiley is one of my favorite bands. Watch it if you aren't asleep.

6 days until I leave for the summer.
don't miss me too much.
I should maybe go pack or something.
Word.

FREE KATIE?

2005-06-15T11:04:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back after almost two months, for that super small percentage of people who actually cared.

About 8 weeks have past since my last blog and since my dreaded unemployment... or so it would seem. Unemployment is actually the greatest thing in the world. All I do is lie in the sun all day and swim in the pool.

SMALL NOTE-
I'm leaving a week from Sunday for the summer, but perhaps I'll check in every now and again. I'll definitely have stories to share. I am going to be working at a camp for six weeks. But this is no ordinary camp. Our theme song goes "When I can't stop a jitterin', I just takes me my ritalin..." Its a camp for inner-city kids, who are all pretty much... well... crazy. I went there last year and surprisingly survived... with only semi-minor cuts and bruises.

Now, to the big issue.

Katie Holmes + Tom Cruise = True Love

Personally, I was rooting for Tom and Penelope cuz I always giggled at that whole Cruise Squared bit. But I guess Penelope, like the rest of them, realized that Tom Cruise was a cokehead, minus the coke.

Now there's this whole business with the free katie websites, etc etc... But if you ask me, Katie Holmes is just as psycho as her vertically challenged beau. I think they deserve each other, to have and to hold, throughout their whole hellish existence. Remember... she WAS on the Creek. (Forgive me, we all know I secretly LOVE the WB).

Now they'll get married... in the church of Scientology, with their respective life coaches standing by (cuz I assume life coaches come with their scientology memberships, if they are ever going to better themselves... god knows they can't do it on their own... they're celebrities!)
And once all Batman and War of the Worlds sequels are finished in their fabulous, new franchises, they'll divorce and Katie Holmes will go back to dating young, pretty boys, while Tom Cruise goes through yet another (is this his fourth?) midlife crisis.

Before I wrap up, I would like to send out my deepest sympathies to Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins, Justin Chatwin, Christian Bale, Micheal Caine, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Steven Spielberg, and Christopher Nolan, who have lost any chance of being able to legitimately promote these two crazy exciting movies that they so diligently slaved over.
I was actually planning on seeing both movies before this whole media stunt, contrary to Tom and Katie's publicists' opinions.

All right, I'm off to go make dip. Going to a party tonight and momma always taught me that one should always bring a homeade dip when invited to a party.

Later.
... To anyone who's reading.

gay men, spring, and intergalactic warfare (but not nesseccarily related)

2005-04-10T12:27:00.000-04:00

From now on, only gay men are allowed to touch my hair.

I'm serious, yo!
I had this gift certificate for this hair salon that is normally too expensive for me to consider, so I went to go get my hair cut this morning.
BIG MISTAKE!
First of all, the hairstylist, if we even want to call her that, was like two years old, and second, she BUTCHERED my hair! I wanted to get bangs, and she was all like "I don't think its a good idea for you...", so I listened to her. But as she began cutting my hair, it was apparent that it wasn't a good idea because she probably didn't know how to cut bangs. Then she continued on to make a total mess of my hair! GAWWW! (in the words of Jessica Simpson)
The chick didn't even have a flat iron... I had to come home and use mine.
I have had enough of bad hair cuts.
From now on, it is gay men and no one else!

On another note, it is a beautiful day outside. Yesterday we had the first "hot and sunny, pretty, breezy, no snow on the ground, late sunset" day of the spring, here in Montreal. My friend and I decided to go for a walk when I got home from work, so we got all decked out in "exercise" clothing, and put on our earphone and sunglasses. We totally looked the part, with our barely used running shoes in our matching jogging suits (only my friend compromised the look a bit by wearing these fabulous dangling earrings).
It was the best walk ever. We did dance moves the entire way and pretended that we were superheroes and that we had capes with giant vaginas on it. We also did giant leaps in the air to emphasis our superhuman status. Then we went and rang every doorbell in the neighbourhood that belonged to someone we know and forced them to add one line to a hit song we were attempting to write. Neighbourhood involvement, yo!
Then we saw a bunch of boys from our high school playing street hocket at the place where the skating rink used to be and is now a slab of concrete. Then we reminded ourselves that this was the one thing that sucks about spring. Those lame-ass, high school, jew-boys come out and take over the streets. You see a seriously long lineup of sportscars and borrowed SUVs when we all know that most of them could have walked to the park. Damn those jew boys.
We played tag for the next leg of our walk and I won once I realized that by yelling "no touchbacks", there was no one else to touch, making my friend IT indefinitely.
After wour first go around, we thought about going for a second walk, because our first one wasnt long enough to be considered actually exercise. Then we decided to fuck it and go watch some episodes of Degrassi at my house.
AH SPRING IN THE SUBURBS.

Oh and I've become a Star Wars fanatic. I saw the old movies for the first time in my life and I don't know why I waited so long. They are fabulous! I want to be a Jedi Master! I actually use my mind at work yesterday to make a customer buy an expensive boxset. I am gifted. The force is with me. Plus I'm going to marry Hans Solo.

That is all.
Oh and not being in school has affected my spelling, so shut up and deal with it!!
BLOG THIS, MOTHER FUCKER!

euphoria is a stupid word.

2005-04-03T23:22:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well... it's been some time since I've thought about this silly blog.
I'm thinking of destroying it and all of the evidence that it ever existed.
Meh, tommorrow's a new day... we'll see.

So.....
Oh! I saw Sin City! I am officially terrified of Elijah Wood.
I was already a tad freaked from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but after last night, I might never sleep sound again, as long as Elijah Wood exists in this world.

Well, its that time of year when the sun starts shining and we all step in front of the mirror and realize that winter did not do any good to our hips. So I have been going to the gym... not much, but enough to be able to say that I workout. Anyways, yesterday while I was there, I went to adjust the weights on one of the weight machines, and I broke it. Then I ran away and I might never go back.
Thats what I get for thinking I was one of those "fit" people.

Music to worship:
Rilo Kiley, TEGAN AND SARA, Jack Johnson (although, I have not yet solved the mystery of whether he is black or white).

Geez, I hate blogging.
Maybe I should start making up stories, so at least my blog would be cool.
Maybe I'll pretend to be someone important, that way even if I had nothing interesting to say, people would read anyways, just because I'm me.

Bah.
Goodnight.

Confessions of a Teenage Pizza Face

2005-03-21T23:01:00.000-05:00

When I was in high school, I had acne. I mean, I wasn't horribly cursed or anything, but I was no Cover Girl. A few zits here and there and that was enough to send me into a self-loathing teen angst. I was never a really self-conscious kid, so I never really let it bug me for more than a minute. By the time I hid it with cover-up, I had already moved on to more important things, like flavoured lip gloss and Ben Folds.

One day, I was on the phone with my best friend while trying to find the perfect accessories to go with my customary high school plaid skirt and polo t-shirt. After I settled on the multicoloured bangles and watermelon hair clips, I told her about this new zit that appeared on my forehead (one of the most ackward places to have a zit). She then answered me back by saying, "Tell it to go find another face. Yours has no vacancy".

That was one of the many major burns of my life.

Letters to a young (ish) nutcase

2005-03-15T14:49:00.000-05:00

oh my god!

so there's this guy, Chris Roller, and he's suing David Copperfield, claiming he stole his "godly" powers. He's demanding $50 000 000 and 10% of all future profits.
Apart from the lawsuit, he claims to be some sort of god from another world.
He also claims that he will be running for President in 2008 with Bill Gates.
Oh! and he's selling real estate on Earth II- to the highest bidder. Don't delay!
You have to read his website! It's spectacular!
www.chrisroller.com
he claims that the Truman Show was based on his life story.
GO. READ. NOW.

One of my coworkers and I wrote him an email last week.
This is what it said:

subject: Regarding said magic powers

I am writing to inform you that there is no possible way that DavidCopperfield could have stolen your godly powers, because you stolethem from me!I expect them handed back to me via FedEx, with a month's supply ofcandy corn as interest.
yours truly,
Celestia (formally from the Planet ZXEPTON)

and this is what we got back:

subject: RE: regarding said magic powers

you were wonderful last night!

That was my short, but unforgettable encounter with a certified wacko.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (I TOTALLY DESERVE IT)

2005-03-08T12:36:00.000-05:00

BAH! crazy crazy week.

Last week was anxiety week a.k.a. university applications are due and you haven't even started them week.
I am proud to say that I am procrastinator extraordinaire and I should even be given my own class to teach others my art.
I applied to my schools of choice the day they were due and then I hunted down a fedex man and forced him to deliver my applications for the cost of zero dollars. Not to mention that there happened to be a huge snowstorm that day... otherwise I probably would have dropped them off myself. I have to say that I am quite proud of my persuasion skills. The more annoying you are, the faster it takes to convince people to do your dirty work for free.

OH! And today is my birthday by the way! 20 years ago, my mother dropped dead of exaustion after pushing me out, only to find out that she had years and years of exaustion to follow.
My parents bought me a new tv and a three month membership to a gym for my birthday. I guess it's their way of saying "here's that tv you wanted, but here's a gym pass as well so you don't get fat(ter)watching it all day long".
Of course evcery single person I know had t o point out to me that today is also International Women's Day. That's fucking bullshit if you ask me. If Hallmark doesn't bother to make a corner in their store for it, the day doesn't exist, if you ask me! So today is my day and only mine!... and my uncle's too, I guess, since it's his birthday too.

This year we celebrated at my best friend's mother's house out in the country, seeing as she's a cripple right now and can't really move (if you wanna know why she's a cripple, read my last entry about my trip to the emergency room). The night turned out alright though because we played pin the tail on the donkey...for real. One of my better birthdays, considering my 18th birthday was spent trapped in a dingy bar because we got snowed in.

Anyhow, on the occasion of my 20th birthday, I have a compiled a list of why I like birthdays so much:

I LIKE (MY) BIRTHDAYS SO MUCH BECAUSE:
-Tooty Fruity gives you breakfast for free on your birthday.
-Work gives you a day off on your birthday.
-Friends give you anything you want on your birthday.
-Boys who said they hated you and never wanted to speak to you again call you on your birthday to wish you a good day.
-If you're me, a birthDAY can easily be dragged out to a birthWEEK (going out for drinks Thursday night, if you come, there better be a present).
-The people at the car wash give you free wax jobs on your car when you slip in that it's your birthday.
-People you didn't even know still exist send you cards because it's cool to jump on the birthday bandwagon.
-You get to pick whats on the menu for dinner when it's your birthday.

...and I'm sure there are other reasons to love my birthday, but its only a little after noon right now and this is all I've experienced so far today...

Well, I'm going to go wash my hair now because it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want!

Friend!z!

2005-02-22T23:30:00.000-05:00

I've been busy and now I'm sick, so from now on I refuse to ever be busy again... starting in the year 2009.

Its been quite a weekend.
Here are some developments:

-My father told me that I am going to remain single for the rest of my life because of my poor table manners. He may be right... Unless I manage to avoid eating meals with boys for the rest of my life.

-I met some anarchists at a party on Saturday night. They were the first true blue anarchists that I've ever met. They weren't as fun as I thought they'd be. They were all political and stuff... All I wanted to do was rearrange furniture and hog the cd player.

-I have fully entered patheticness by purchasing Kelly Clarkson tickets. It used to be that all I really had was my fabulous taste in music... Now even that is shot down the drain.

-The realization came to me yesterday that my promotion at work was probably given to me as a punishment. Now that I am management, I have to actually *shudder* do my job... That really bites the big one!

Oh... and its T-minus five days until university applications are due and I have yet to start on them.

Just finished watching Gilmore Girls... shoutout to Luke and Lorelai: Have sex and get it over with already. Your fight is long overdue for some makeup sex... if it doesn't happen by next week, I'm moving to another network. Oh and Rory... when did you turn into such a dried up cunt? Remember when you were pretty and read books? Slut.

Oh... and I might be dying. Got a doctors appointment on Thursday to find out what the deal is with my abnormal blood tests... DUM DUM DUUUUUUM!!!

Tune in next week to find out what diseases slash illnesses I have. Maybe I have them all...

Off to watch my American Idol tapes now. Note to self: Tell job that work is not an option on American Idol nights... oh shit... American Idol Night is every night this year, apparently.

Thanks. Bye.

Sometimes I'm Alive.

2005-02-16T18:17:00.000-05:00

I find blogging too be a little too hard.
I can't ever seem to remember to actually post.
I'm gonna try really hard to post more often.

Alright, let's get it started... Which reminds me, I just found out while watching a classic OC episode (can it really be considered classic after one year?) at work today, that the Black Eyed Peas song is Let's Get Retarded. I thought it was Let's Get it Started... seems that is the censored version... since when has retarded become a swear word? Meh.

So anyways, here are my "things" of the week:
We all know that I have quite possibly the shortest attention span on the earth, so when I get into something, I usually just obsess over it for a week or so and then I'm onto the next thing...
So here are some things that have consumed my world lately:

MUSIC:
I am REALLY into hardcore girl punk rock music. LE TIGRE is a must. I can be seen jumping around my roomn to the new Le Tigre cd, while trying to apply hot pink lipstick at the same time.

MOVIES:
Wow, I am having a really tacky couple of days because wacko sci-fi movies like LOGAN'S RUN and LABYRINTH are so totally all I can talk about lately. Oh and MOTORCYCLE DIARIES came out this week, along with DONNIE DARKO the Director's Cut... so I should get around to buying them...

TV:
Well, I've always been a GILMORE GIRLS fan, mostly because I finally found people who talk faster than I do. But I have to say that this weeks episode was a notch above the rest this season. You think its going down and then they get you back into it. Oh and i bought the dvds of the first two seasons awhile back and have been watching a lot of those ones.
Special mention to THE SIMPLE LIFE. I'm sorry, but it is the funniest show on television, god dammit! Paris and Nicole as interns is the most entertaining shit I can think of.

BOOKS:
Well... I know I said I would get back into reading something worthwhile after I dropped out of school for the semester, but I've been held back a little tad. I guess after being tortured by the english department for months, it's hard to get back into the reading world. I have been reading from my AMERICAN SPLENDOR anthology though... I don't know if it would count seeing as its a comic book... although we can boost it up to graphic novel. But I have been looking for something fun to read. I'll take suggestions. Something funny and racy. Something the english department at McGill would frown upon. So that eliminates Chaucer and Milton.

CANDY:
Going retro with AIRHEADS. Best candy in the world... who cares if they went out of fashion in 1988. They look like smashed crayola crayons and taste like sugar.

BOY OF THE WEEK:
Its Brad Renfro week and that means all things Brad Renfro. I watched THE CURE the other day and bawled for hours. Next up is BULLY. Mmmmmm...Brad Renfro.

OBSESSION OF THE WEEK:
Trying to get Bell Mobility to give me a new cell phone, solely on the basis that I don't like mine. Victory WILL be mine.

Well thats all for now kids,
keep it real.
Thanks. Bye.

Corner Gas (the real life account)

2005-02-14T01:09:00.000-05:00

Today, I faced my fears head on and tried the selp serve at the gas station for the very first time.
Now, I'm not a stranger to the self serve, but the direct pay had always intimidated me. So I would usually go inside the convenient store to pay, for fear that I will make a fool of myself in front of all the gas pumping experts.
Today I had enough though. I was different today. Brave, almost.
And you know what?
I KICKED ASS!
I got out of the car at the same time as this middle aged man in an SUV, and he looked like quite the expert. But it was I, the rookie, the amateur, who got into my car first and drove away. Not one wrong button, not one wrong move. I was perfectly in sync with the procedure.
I feel like a new woman!
I should go out and buy myself a pair of high heeled boots, while I strut my stuff on the boulevard.
Yes, I am definitely feeling proud of myself right now.
So this is what they meant when they talked about women's liberation...

I'm no less wiser than I was yesterday.

2005-02-07T19:57:00.000-05:00

I got my wisdom teeth taken out today.

I found the whole experience to be somewhat amusing.
There was one particular moment that stuck with me because of the odd, tranquility of the hectic instance.

Imagine this:

I'm sitting in the dentist's chair, my mouth completely frozen to the point where I can't even swallow because my throat is numb. I had made a cd the night before to distract me while the dreaded procedure too place. It consisted of really comforting music like Nick Drake and the Smashing Pumpkin's Sheila (a personal favorite of mine). Well at this particular moment, I had Jeff Buckley's cover of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah blaring into my ears, while the dentists had my bottom tooth clutched with whatever tool he was using and was pulling as hard as he could. Supposedly I had really long roots, so a simple tug wouldn't do it.
So there I am, with the eerily haunting Hallelujah playing in my ear, as I tried best I could to keep a grip on the chair, with fear of falling off as the dentist pulled so hard he almost lifted the whole of me up with the tooth.
I just started giggling to myself once the tooth was out because of what I had just experienced. The dentist and his assistant just stared ast me like I was crazy.

Speaking of the assistant... I felt like I was having oral surgery with a 5 year old in the room. She kept wanting to hear my music and would talk for hours on end. She also told me to squeeze her hand if I was in a lot of pain, only to her that meant HER squeezing MY hand whenever something scary was about to happen. Why do some people do that? They take your hand so that you feel comfort but they end up hurting you more than the actual procedure does. Not to mention that I couldn't live in blissful ignorance of what was going on in my mouth. She would giggle and tell me how much blood I had on my face. Nice.

So I've been home all day and so far I've eating mashed potatoes, creamed cauliflower, and a chocolate milkshake. Tommorrow I'm going to try scrambled eggs and applesauce.

I take 3 advils and 1 extra strength tylenol every four hours.

All in all, I give this experience an 8 on 10. I get to miss a week of work and watch a lot of movies, but I'm sick of tasting blood in my mouth constantly.

Thats all folks.
More later when I'm not icing my face.

styrofoam saved my life

2005-01-27T22:45:00.000-05:00

Today has been a pretty traumatizing and painful day.

It started off with a trip to the building where they take your blood and leave bruises on your arms as if you were a junkie. Do you ever get the feeling that you might be dying but nobody wants to tell you? I got that feeling this morning during my blood tests. My doctor sent me for pretty routine tests. Plus I needed a follow up to my past years of arthritis (thats right... its not just for old people). Well, I'm not sure why, but they passed me to the front of the line, which was nearing thirty or so people. I got up from the waiting room almost a minute after I sat down in the waiting room full of grumpy patients. I walked out, trying hard not to notice the glares from those who I butted in front of.

So I get into the blood taking room and there were two women waiting for me... Now I've had many blood tests before and none of them have ever required the presence of two people. But then I saw why. Sitting on the counter next to the chair were about 20 different empty tubes, which I would soon come to learn were all reserved for me. I didn't even know I had that much blood in me to give. They took my blood, asking me every two seconds if I was alright. I left the clinic wondering when I would receive the bad news of my impending death. At least I only spent twenty minutes at the clinic when my mom insisted I would wait all day for waking up so late and taking my time to get there...

But my story doesn't end here....

After an afternoon of light headedness and sleeping, I felt well enough to venture downtown with my buddies. So we ventured out into the cold to make it downtown for the premiere of Hide and Seek with Dakota Fanning (which I soon renamed Marco Polo). The traffic was pretty light on the highway (or freeway...whatever you Americans wish to call it) so we were travelling at a pretty breezy speed. Of course, traffic can be finicky sometimes. I had to slow down pretty quickly, which I managed to accomplish successfully. Unfortunately, my impecable driving skills did not save me from my fate. The car in back of me slammed into my car and sent us flying.

Anyways, my car is totalled and the worst part is that I had to stand outside in the freezing cold on the side of the highway for thirty minutes while I talked to a french man who barely understood me. My neck hurts and I wish I lived in America, so I could sue and get loads of money and never have to work again. Later in the night, my friends and I were examining my car and my friend, who knows more about cars than most people I know, pointed something out to me. She points to a square piece of ordinary styrofoam and says to me "Look. That little piece of styrofoam saved your life tonight".

Can you believe it? The piece of styrofoam built into my Honda Civic saved my life. Styrofoam. The same styrofoam that made the cups that I used to tear to shreds as a kid at summer camp. Go figure...

But then I wonder... If I'm dying anyways, as my blood test fiasco assured me, why would anyone (higher or lower being) save me with a piece of styrofoam tonight? If I'm going to die, why didn't we get it over with tonight? At least I would have made the papers.

Anyways, I gotta go nurse my aching arm and neck now.

Maybe tommorrow I'll get hit by a bulldozer.

Today's Purchases

2005-01-24T14:04:00.000-05:00

A new week, a new line of credit to destroy.

I went to the mall today with the intention of picking up some cds I left behind at work and I ended up leaving with an exausted credit card.
Now, I have already declared myself a dvd and cd junkie, but I think I am taking it too far these days. I have full shelves and stacks and stacks of cds piling up on my floor, and my dvds are starting to slowly catch up with my cds.

While I realize that I have a problem, I am still quite happy with my purchases of the day.

1) CD: The Shins- Oh, Inverted World
I strongly believe that every single person should own a Shins cd.
If you can't bring yourself to buy a whole Shins cd (you creep!) then at least buy the Garden State soundtrack, which features 2 of their songs, along with many other fabulous tracks from various artists.

2) CD: Gavin DeGraw- Chariot
I know it sounds a bit queer, but I love this dude. Now, don't go thinking that I like the show One Tree Hill (even though it is the WB, which happens to be a guilty pleasure of mine). I only really watch One Tree Hill once in awhile for the theme song, I Don't Wanna Be. I really like it. If that destroys a bit of my music credibility, so be it. I'm hoping the rest of the cd will be just as nice and its a good cd to bring to work. Plus, I think he's hot.

3) DVD: Bad Santa (UNRATED)
Whatever. Billy Bob Thornton is a god and I would do the Coen brothers... at the same time. Best christmas movie ever. It is fuckin' hilarious. I have not seen the unrated version yet. I bet its even better. In conclusion- I like nasty movies with Billy Bob Thornton in it.

4) DVD: Back to the Future Trilogy
Well, let me begin by saying that anything with Michael J. Fox in it is an instant classic. I really love these movies. I've wanted it on dvd for awhile and now was the best time because I had a credit for a free dvd at my work. The only thing better than Back to the Future is Back to the Future for free. The only qualms I have with it is that because of this lame province I live in, the package is bilingual. Retour Vers Le Futur. My foot!

5) DVD: Pauly Shore is Dead
I haven't seen this yet but it looks like a masterpiece. It comes out officially in stores tommorrow but I stole it from work a day early. Supposedly Pauly Shore fakes his own death and they interview A-list celebrities and others to see their reactions. Too bad Pauly Shore was dead long before this stunt. There is an appearance by Hanson in it, which upped my interest level past its peak. Is it better to be a dead genius or a living idiot? That's what it asks on the back of the dvd. Wicked cool.

...
Oh... one more... this one is a little embarassing. Let's just say I bought it for my "mother".

6) DVD: Dead Poets Society
I like poetry and I like old dead men and I like it when Robin Williams tries to enlighten people. The End. There is nothing more to discuss about this purchase.

So thats all... Let's call this spending frenzy a celebration of me actually paying my credit card bill on time.

Gotta go.
My new Medicare card came in the mail. I hope my picture came out all right. I'mn going to go call to order a donate my organs sticker to put on the back and then I'm going to try to figure out my online banking once and for all.

tata loonies.

a story of adultery and debauchery... sort of

2005-01-21T13:56:00.000-05:00

Sometimes things are funny but we don't really realize the significance of their hilarity until the moment has passed...long ago.
I'm not sure why this memory hit me last night as I was laying down to sleep and why I never paid much attention to this moment when it came. All I know is that I realized that a very classic moment had passed in my life and I forgot about it so quickly that I failed to tell anyone about it, therefore missing out on weeks of giggling and joking around about what could possibly be the only fabulous, scandalous thing that will ever happen to me.
I've never been one to attract much scandal, but here it was, on a head on collision with me and I must now pass on my story to you people.

---------

It was the summer of.... well, let's forget the math for now... it was a few summers ago. I was 17 and I was working as a camp counselor for the summer. On the last day of camp, all of my girls asked me for my phone number so they could keep in touch. Now, I like kids, don't get me wrong, and I had a great summer with all of them because they were absolutely hilarious, but well, the summer is short lived and I have a life the get to when its over that does not involve nightly conversations with nine year old girls who just want to talk about spongebob or whatever was the fad a few summers ago. So I quickly jotted down on a few pieces of paper the number for the phone line at my house that is rarely ever used and passed it around to the girls, adding a couple of XOXOs at the bottom.

That was that and the summer was quickly over. I entered my first year of college and catapulted into fall mode, which included many new outfits of the brown and pink colours and lots and lots of coffee. Once night I was taking a break from my studies so I could catch an episode of Degrassi (thats right... just because I graduated high school doesn't mean I have to stop watching canadian teen drama about it) when the phone rang on the second line. I didn't feel like answering it, but the ringing was so persistent that I caved, just so it would shutup. I sighed and said hello. On the other end was the ackward voice of a man who seemed unsure... of what? Well, we'll soon find out.

"Hi, is Stephanie there?" he asked. I said hello and asked him what he wanted, wondering what would cause a mysterious man to call my house on the unlisted line. He then proceeded to tell me his name and ask me if I knew him. I was baffled and replied that I had no idea. Then, as he muffled the phone, I heard him say to someone in the background, "See, I told you. She doesn't know who I am, and I don't know who she is". After some bickering on the other end, the woman he was talking to gets on the phone and starts shooting questions at me, the accusation in her voice hitting me like a BB gun in the knuckle. It seems as though a paper was found in the man's office with my name and number on it, followed by some XOXOs.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm 17 and I don't give my number out to strange men," I said, trying to convince her that I was innocent. But she wouldn't let up. "Then how did your number find its way into my house?" I did not have an answer for that. I thought for a moment and asked her what her name was, once more. She told me and it hit me suddenly. Where had I heard that name before?

"Do you by any chance have a daughter named Samantha?" I asked. The woman told me that Samantha was her niece. I started to laugh and told her that I was Samantha's counselor at camp this summer and that the paper with the number on it was meant for her. It turns out that Samantha had spent the summer with her aunt and uncle and must have left the number behind when she packed up and returned to Newfoundland.

The story ends here. The wife was embarrassed and I was annoyed that I missed the last ten minutes of what had started out as a really dramatic episode of Degrassi. I shrugged it off and went back to my homework and until now forgot that this moment had happened. It only occured to me now that this event could have drastically changed two peoples' lives. Imagine the drama that went on before the phone call was made to me and the harsh words exchanged. What if the husband decided he could no longer live with the woman who could not trust him? I wonder now if this couple is still together, deciding to laugh off the silly incident, or if the drama put too harsh a strain on their marriage and they succumbed to the alienation.

Why had I been involved in the closest thing to a scandal that will ever reach me and I failed to alert anybody. I had the chance to delight my friends with such fabulous gossip and I didn't. I would have been a star. A STAR! I would have been the talk of the day, amongst my 17 year old gal pals. Instead, I continued to listen to their stories, not realized that I had valuable information.

Dolt much?

Space Monkey

2005-01-17T20:29:00.000-05:00

Things that I have decided in the past ten minutes, while eating a banana-chocolate space monkey popsicle:

1) Reincarnation is impossible and therefore, I will most probably not return to this earth as america's top model after my death.

2) Aliens did indeed land in Roswell, leading to a mass government cover up, although they probably are not as good looking as Jason Behr and Brendan Fehr from the WB's Roswell.

3) My co-worker's dead fish's spirit is haunting my car and my place of work and is trying to gnaw out my eyeballs.

4) If Global Warming really exists, it sure is taking its sweet ass time to get here.

I would have come to more conclusions, but this is where I finished my popsicle.
And I am absolutely incapable of thought process when I'm not stuffing my face.

So that's all for now, butt-munches...

the only thing my liberal arts education ever taught me:

2005-01-08T18:33:00.000-05:00

Rene Descartes walks into a bar.

The barkeeper serves him and as Descartes later gets up to leave, he asks him if he wants a drink for the road.

Descartes ponders for awhile and then replies "I think not".

And with that, POOF, he disappears.

tear?

2005-01-07T01:29:00.000-05:00

I think my life might be falling apart.
But thats normal, right?

My blog has suddenly taken a turn to the dramatic side. How OC of me.
Excuse me while I go rip things off my walls like people on tv do when they're upset...

on second thought, I'm going to go curl up in a ball on my bed and listen to leonard cohen while I cry.

goodnight.

its over.

2005-01-04T13:21:00.000-05:00

I have nothing of importance to say.

Bite me.

2005?

2005-01-01T15:44:00.000-05:00

a new year comes with many new firsts of the year.

I am happy to announce that I have had my first allergic reaction of 2005, at 1:05am this morning from a pair of shedding dogs at a certain new years eve party.

I have also experienced my first crush of 2005 this morning at promptly 9:46am at the drugstore while I was picking up my first box of 2005 tampons for my first period of 2005.

Tonight I shall nostalgically celebrate the greatest decade with a game of trivial pursuit of the 90s with my gal pals.

Tomorrow I will see my first movie of 2005 when I go to see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

To look back on the past year, I haven't really accomplished much.
And I really plan to accomplish even less this year.

Swell, ain't it?

Midnight Revelations.

2004-12-30T23:51:00.000-05:00

So I forgot about this little place. I've been busy partying at the clubs, getting sick, watching movies, working, and of course, cleaning my room and messing it up again.

Here are some revelations in my life from the past week:

Rilo Kiley is my new favorite band.
There is something poetic about a group of former child stars who couldn't quite make it in show business forming an indie rock band.
Le sigh, I LOVE IT.

Know what else I love?
Field of Dreams. I could marry Kevin Costner right now, I love it so much.

I also discovered that Steven Spielberg is my hero and might possibly have always been without me noticing it. Maybe its because I spent 75$ on an E.T. out of print gift set that came with a lot of goodies. People forget what a great film that is. I think I'm going to write a thesis paper on it one day. I'm not sure what class it will be for, but I'll write it.

I've also decided that there is no time like the present to get started on writing my screenplay. Zach Braff started writing the screenplay for Garden State in college, and since I'm taking a semester off from college to "soul search", maybe I should knock out a couple of pages or something.
I'm young, I'm hip, I like to write things...mostly on half used napkins.

Ya. Thats all my brain can handle for tonight. I'm going back to my Nick Drake cds and my pillow.

Goodnight.

Danny Deckchair

2004-12-24T01:19:00.000-05:00

I just watched the best movie ever!

It's called Danny Deckchair and its an Australian movie about a guy who floats across Australia on a lawn chair thats tied to a ton of yellow balloons. Then he lands in this hot, country chick's backyard.

I really liked it.

It made me forget that my throat hurts and that I have to work super early tommorrow morning.

Yes, quite good indeed.

GOODNIGHT!

....*cough cough* Merry Christmas to all you non-jews who also happen to like Christ.

atchoo!

2004-12-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

I just cleaned my room like there is no fucking tommorrow, people.
I'm talking dustballs the size of my head.
I found artifacts from the 80s.
I'm covered in dirt right now and I think I'm coming down with the flu.

DAMMIT I HATE BEING OFF FROM SCHOOL.
It makes me do stupid things like scrubbing the floorboards...

Partying With Dinosaurs

2004-12-19T11:01:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to a party. Well actually... I went to two parties.
The first one was my staff christmas party, where we get to go for expensive cuisine and a trillion rounds of shots for free. We went to this expensive italian restaurant downtown and I got drunk. ish. Then I watched 38 year old men attempt to metaphorically date rape the jailbait from my store's branch. There were lots of frenchies at this party and I found my self quite intrigued listening to different french conversations. It then occured to me that when french people talk (quebecers, that is), no matter what they are saying, it always sounds like poutine. "poutine poutine poutine poutine"... You get the picture.
Anyways, after I left the staff party, I went to a friend's party that he was having to celebrate the upcoming holidays. This party was really weird, because when I showed up, there were people standing outside watching a guy swallow down creamed corn. I didn't really get it and so I went inside where it WASN'T snowing. Then I sat around and marvelled at how much everybody had changed from the last party that was only a little while back at Halloween. I have been somewhat a hermit since then because school was weighing me down like an old lady with too many shoes in her purse, and I haven't had much time to hang out with all those kids. I looked around and these people who were barely recognizable to me and wondered why they ALL chose to grow their hair out like so. All the boys grew their hair in a fashion that made them a couple of notches less attractive than they used to be. And those who didn't grow their hair ugly, had it at least styled ugly. Maybe the theme of the party was "bad hair day" and nobody cared to tell me. I didn't stay very long. I left right after I stole a bunch of mini dinosaur toys that I found on the table and declared mine.
So that was my first night out that I did not have to worry about term papers or exams. It was quite nice. Quite nice indeed.
Tonight I will come home from work and do what a normal kid is supposed to do when the term ends. I'm going to put on pajamas and watch countless hours of trashy television.
hip hip.

DaVinci and Versace

2004-12-16T18:22:00.000-05:00

So the other night, my friend and I were discussing my probable move to Toronto next fall and the idea that we are going to be roomates living in such a horrible city. We decided that it was important to get a pet for our apartment. A dog was out, because I don't have the stamina to care for a living creature that requires so much attention, and so was a cat because I am deathly allergic and violently opposed to them.

Then I came up with the idea of pet turtles. At first I wanted just one so that I could name it HalfShell. But my friend said that she would like to have more than one so that we could direct mini plays starring them. The next idea was to get four of them and name them after all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, while colour coding them. But my friend though that four was too many and that we were thinking too highly of our pet caring capabilities. Two was the magic number at the end of our conversation. Two turtles it was.

But then I was stumped for a name. I couldn't name my turtles after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with only two of them. It would be like an incomplete group. It just wouldn't seem right. And besides, which two to pick? So then I came up with a brilliant idea! Instead of naming them Leonardo and Donatello, I would take their last names, in a somewhat witty reversal of the Ninja Turtles names. Beat them at their own game. So DaVinci was set but what about Donatello? Donatello's real name is Donato di Nicolo Bardi. Nicolo Bardi just did not sound right for a turtle. So then I got to thinking about Donatella Versace and the fabulous impression that Maya Rudolph does on SNL and thats when Versace came to mind for the perfect turtle name.

So DaVinci and Versace it is.
Can you not imagine more perfect names for two turtles?

I am quite proud of myself, thank you very much.

The Faggiest CD on Earth

2004-12-15T11:56:00.000-05:00

I stayed up all night making the ultimate compilation cd. Two discs-39 songs. It might possibly be the best compilation cd on earth. I originally made it to piss off the 17 year old, Destiny's Child listening girls who work at my work. I told them they'd be sorry when they forced me to work while listening to Britney Spears, Destiny's Child, and other such really bad musical blasphemy this weekend. And now I have the perfect revenge! Two cds full of Rod Stewart, Bob Dylan, Velvet Underground, Peter Gabriel, The GoGos, The Bangles, The Donnas, and a bunch of indie bands they've never heard of. To me, this is musical heaven. To them, their ears will probably fall off. It is time somebody exposed them to real music anways. HAHAHAHA I giggled in such delight when I even put an REO Speedwagon song on to drive them absolutely mad!!!

I have named my cd: The Faggiest CD on Earth.

I might asked to have this cd buried with me in my death. I even put Hanson on it, but that was for my own pleasure, because those boys happen to be diamonds in my eyes since they went all indie rock on the world.
I did put an Alicia Keys song on it though out of pity for them. I actually kind of like it though...She's pretty nifty when she isn't making music with that Usher character...
Work is going to be soooooooo much fun tonight.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Boys That I Love:

2004-12-09T18:32:00.000-05:00

*Topher Grace
-what can I say, Topher? I have a thing for skinny boys. I think you're cute.

*Jake Gyllenhaal
-I'd like so totally do you if Kirsten Dunst would just get away from you.

*Ben Kweller
-I know you really wrote the song Believer for me.

*Adam Green
-you're like Ben Kweller, just with more vulgarity

*The cashier from Indigo
-I'll never buy my books from anyone else ever again.

*Aladdin
-you are definitely the hottest cartoon ever.

*Taylor Hanson
-will you leave your white trash wife and marry me under a willow tree?

*Jacob Hoggard
-you are totally my Canadian Idol.

*The boy in my philosophy class
-even though you cut your hair and it took me weeks to recognize you again, I still love you.

*The new boy on the O.C.
-I turned on the tv tonight, even though I stopped watching that crappy show ages ago, but there you were, with piercing eyes and preppy boy clothing.

INSANITY!!! GRTGKSOSFE! INSANITY!!!

2004-12-07T21:49:00.000-05:00

So, last night I found myself at the Montreal premiere of Blade:Trinity. I'm not sure why, two days before wednesday (the big mother exam times two day) I would sacrifice study time to see a final movie in a trilogy I have never seen before, but it was all worth it when Parker Posey turned out to be the bad guy. Dude, she is totally my idol. If I ever turn gay, she's so gonna be the first chick I do.
After the movie, me and the gang (of two) headed over to Reuben's deli (a la request of the jew) for some food, even though I knew perfectly well that I had an essay due at 9 oclock the next morning. I sat down, facing the wall that had all the pictures of the pancakes on it and was overcome with the most incredible urge to eat big mother pancakes with a shitload of syrup. Then the waitress had the AUDACITY to tell me that they only serve them at breakfast time! If I were at Chenoys Deli, they'd serve me pancakes even if it was 2 in the morning!! STUPID FASCIST DELI OWNERS!!! So I ordered a chicken salad instead, which they served to me on a bed of other lettuce... what the hell is with that??
After we stuff our faces, we head back to the indoor parking where I parked my car earlier to assure a toasty car upon my return. Six fricken dollars to park for 3 hours! The parkingf attendant who was working asked me if I had purchased anything in the attached mall and I told him no. THEN he tells me that if I would have, parking would have been half price. Thanks bozo! If I'd have known, I would have bought a 5 cent bubble gum. Now he's a young kid, I'm a good lookin' girl. I flash his a smile and ask him if he'll let me by. And then I get a really harsh NO. Rough and burn. Little dude's got the power (and a lot of acne) and he's more than delighted to use it.
Well who'd have known that I would find myself in the exact same parking lot this morning. It was freezing rain and I was desperate not to leave my car outside. But once I get back to my car and I put my parking ticket in the fixed machine to pay, I find out that during the day it costs 18$!!!! to park. 18 mother fucking dollars!!! I was flabberghasted!!! And the worst part... that stupid runt of a kid was standing there smirking at me the whole time!!!!!! Note to self- Bomb the Villa Maria parking lot... and make sure that self-righteous barftard is working.
Now I should be studying for my exams and of course, I'm not...
Tommorrow is the judgement day and I might not survive it.
Two exams that I am equally ill-prepared for.
SHMOOOBALGERDASH!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm out.
Thanks. Bye.

Oh ya... and it's the first night of Channukah tonight. Let's see those candles burning bright people. In case some of you are wondering, Channukah is the festival of lights. Those jerks who worked for mafia king Anti Tush ruined the jewish temple and they didn't think they had enough oil to last even an hour, but that itty bitty bit of oil lasted eight days and eight nights... hence eight nights of presents (which is bullshit... I never got eight nights of presents). Oh and there were maccabees... and they were hot.
The End.

MAC POULET, G!!

Listen Bitches!

2004-12-03T17:12:00.000-05:00

I play this game sometimes, where I sit on a bench and I judge every single person who walks by me.
Today's scene takes place at Mcgill University, with me parking my ass on a stone bench in the hallway, trying to avoid the cold, snowy post-haven "breeze".
This game is my favorite because I get to judge other people and pick apart their flaws and make up tragic stories about them, never having to look at my own lame existence. And I use lame in the lamest terms.
I did a lot of sight-seeing, but I shall comment on only one of them, for I feel that she is a symbol for a large portion of the female population at Mcgill University.

And here it is:
Pretty stylish in that "hi I'm a university student" kind of way. She's wearing a fitted, pink jacket with a matching pair of Uggs boots. She has her hair done in what I like to call the "suburban-Jew ponytail" which consists of your classic ponytail with a random clip stuck on the top of the head for no apparent reason. It doesn't seem to be holding her hair back... It's just standing there. She seems like the kind of girl who has memorized every episode of Sex and the City and listens to Maroon 5 when she's not having a lot of sex with her italian boyfriend, who she is dating to impress her jewish friends with her tolerance. She's probably as vacant as she is good looking, but she probably holds decent grades anyways because of her standardized way of thinking. She'll probably grow out of her taste for italian boys and settle down with a nice jewish boy who makes a lot of money and will take her on cruises every january when she begins to complain about the cold weather. They will have three kids, all boys, and their boys will go to private school and smoke pot on the weekends. She will die eventually and be buried in her old age at the fancy jewish cemetery at the top of the Outremont hill.

Does anybody else have a fascination with judging strangers who don't even notice you?

Pilot and Pussy Inspector

2004-12-02T13:08:00.000-05:00

Random Thursday morning-should be writing an essay- thought:

I just found out that Jason Lee named his kid Pilot Inspektor. Sounds like a name of a Russian spy or something. It sounds like a name of one of those kids who plants atomic bombs in marketplaces. I bet he put the K in there instead of the C to make his kid sound like a Russian. Nothing can save that kid from the Gulag now...
I really hope his kid grows up to be a pilot inspector- one of those guys who sits in the cockpit with the pilot and grades the pilot to make sure he's a safe flyer. Then he can print up business cards that say:

Pilot Inspektor

Pilot Inspector

What if Pilot Inspektor marries a girl named Pussy? Then would she be Pussy Inspektor? Imagine her business cards:

Pussy Inspektor

Gynecologist

Then when that time comes for me to visit the gynecologist, I'll get up from the lunchtable and tell all my lady friends that I have to go see the Pussy Inspektor now. I'll go to her office and tell her receptionist that I am here for the Pussy Inspektor. Then I'll sit on one of the pink plastic chairs in the waiting room, until the receptionist tells me that Pussy Inspektor will examine me now. Of course it will be a long wait, because with a name like Pussy Inspektor, even the most illiterate women can find her practice in the phone book. Then Pussy Inspektor will examine my pussy and I will go home and tell my husband that the Pussy Inspektor said that I am clean and healthy.

Pilot and Pussy Inspektor.... Has a nice ring to it, yes?

NO DOUBT.

The Train Is On Fire

2004-12-02T11:01:00.000-05:00

My own inadequacy sometimes astounds me.
Does it astound you?

A Modest Proposal

2004-12-01T11:21:00.000-05:00

maybe Johnathan Swift had it right...

maybe we SHOULD eat babies (the poor ones, anyways)...

then we'd be full AND underpopulated.

hip hip.

ATTN Kmart Shoppers: There Are Jews In Aisle 12.

2004-11-28T01:30:00.000-05:00

I saw the light today.
My entire existence rectified by one miniscule, commercially inferior movie.
The friends and I rented The Hebrew Hammer tonight, the only way to properly culminate the evening spent with fellow jews of the neighbourhood. This glorious, and oh so GLORIOUS film starred Adam Goldberg (yuhuh, Waking Life) as Mordechai Jefferson Carver a.k.a. the Hebrew Hammer, who saves Channukah from the evil Santa, Andy Dick, along with his jewish girlfriend, Esther (played by that chick from Jawbreaker). Within the first ten minutes you get to watch Santa Clause get assasinated, and the jewish rhymes that are busted are no less perfect than a yoyo with a self-retreiver. The Jewish Justice League team up with the Kwanzaa Liberation Front, which leads to superbly inserted lines such as "I'm gonna kwanzaafy yo' ass, bitch".
Without giving away too much of this magnificant movie-going experience, I will leave you with the image of an evil Andy Dick santa clause, along with his irish Tiny Tim lover, handing out bootleg copies of It's A Wonderful Life to all the little jewish kids on the streets of Manhattan.
Go watch this movie before I smother you with potato latkes and shove a menorah up your bumbum so you can't poo the potato latkes out.
No, seriously...in all seriousness (and no, that seriousness does not cancel out the seriously... I'm serious)... this movie will change your life!!! Especially if you are of the jewish species, such as myself.

Chicken a la Zen

2004-11-25T11:44:00.000-05:00

So, sometimes I'm not always the brightest kid in the world...

Yesterday at work, I was given the duty of running down to the dollar store to get some work supplies with money from the store. You'd think I'd act a little more reliable, considering the joy that supplies shopping brings me. So I ran down to the dollar store with my co-worker Melanie, making sure to annoy the SAQ strikers on the way, and made my way down the splendid aisles of marked down products. My task was to buy holiday decorations for the store (note- they always say holiday, but what they really mean is Christmas... reminder to self- bring in dreidels and star of davids). Our shopping duties were almost complete, when the most amazing thing caught my eye. Up on the shelf with the other mugs, rested this most perfect work of art to ever grace the shelf of a dollar store. It was a white mug with the black outline of a chicken on it. Just one outline, one chicken. It had such a zen-like quality to it. The mug looked at me and said "hi, I'm chicken a la zen. Take me home". I counted the money that I was given to buy store supplies with and, while Melanie laughed at my ridiculouso, did some supply shifting to fit the mug into our budget.
Upon returning to work, I came face to face with my boss, who was eager to go through our findings. I was so enthralled by this mug and its manipulation of my mind, that it never occured to me that my boss wouldn't appreciate it in the same way that I did. It turns out that he didn't and wanted to know immediately why I felt the need to spend the store's money on a chicken mug. After quick deliberation, I decided to tell him that one pen holder at the cash would just not suffice and we most definitely needed another one to balance out the workspace. While I don't think he bought it, I think he sometimes lets me win a few rounds for fear that I will lash out irrationally.

And that is the story of how it came to be that a chicken mug found its way to the cash counter at dvd passion.

Words Make Me Giggle

2004-11-24T14:19:00.000-05:00

sometimes I like to go to Miriam Webster online and listen to the audio pronounciations of words.

I like how they say EUPHORIA.

MONTANA ain't too shabby either.

Prophets and Messengers.

2004-11-23T16:00:00.000-05:00

Today I thought I saw Jonathan Brandis standing on a street corner, handing out free newspapers.
Then I remembered that Jonathan Brandis killed himself last year...

Maybe he was trying to send me messages from limbo of an upcoming apocalypse...

I think I shall ponder this while watching an ode to Jonathan Brandis in the form of The Neverending Story II.

Douglas Bowman, You've Done It Again.

2004-11-23T09:12:00.000-05:00

Gee Whiz, that Douglas Bowman sure knows how to pick those templates.

After we get married at the synagogue next to the McDonalds, we're going to go to Utah for our honeymoon so that we can laugh at all the Mormons.

Oh Douglas Bowman, be still my heart...

*thump thump* *THUD*

(I love a man who can design a good template....don't you?)

Motionless Wheel, Nothing Is Real

2004-11-22T19:30:00.000-05:00

The world is a horrible place when you're running on 45 minutes of sleep.

This morning I woke up from an all-nighter of writing literary papers and binary case-studies. I figured that I could relax once I got to class... just sit back, relax, and disregard every little thing my professor says.
I just needed one thing. There was a book at the library that I needed to take out to complete a political science assignment. No problem right? Well then, you've never set foot in the Mcgill Library. Its six floors of mazes. I had 20 minutes to find the book and get out. A few wrong turns later, and I was hopelessly lost. So lost that I missed my first class.
After my logic class, I forced a boy in my class to help me with my assignment that is due on Wednesay. In my constant whining that took over his soul for an entire hour, I made him late to his next class.
On the train back into the West Island, my friend broke the news to me that he was returning to his homeland in January. Hit me like a pack of licorice twists. The black ones. That is not the kind of news you divulge to someone who is functioning on 45 minutes of sleep.
On my way home from the train, I thought about my grandmother's brother who is reaching the last leg of his life. He's in the hospital and its a known fact that he's going to croak at some point in the near future. Now hypothetically, if he's going to die anyways, is it so horrible that one would prefer him to die sooner than later, as to dodge certain final exams (hypothetically, remember)?
I ate five pieces of sushi and a baked potato for dinner.
I have to write a ten page paper for wednesday and I haven't even started.
Sigh.... why am I even writing this?
Stupid Julia Stiles who goes to ivy league college and studies english literature and stars in movies during her free time and manages to keep her hair nice and her warbrobe varied.
I'm out.
The End.
Bah.

A Thought:

2004-11-19T14:33:00.000-05:00

Why is it that a woman is a Miss when she's unmarried and a Mrs. when she's married, but a man is always a Mr. regardless?

SPEEDING MOTORCYCLE

2004-11-18T22:42:00.000-05:00

Speeding motorcycle won't you change me,
In a world of funny changes.
Speeding motorcycle won't you change me.

Speeding motorcycle of my heart
Speeding motorcycle; always changing me
Speeding motorcycle, don't you drive recklessly
Speeding motorcycle of my heart

Many girls have taken you out of a ride,
hurt you deep inside but you never slowed down.
Speeding motorcycle in my heart.
Speeding motorcycle let's speed smart.

Because we don't want to wreck but we can do a lot of tricks
We don't have to break our necks to get our kicks,
Speeding motorcycle, the road is ours.
Speeding motorcycle, let's speed some more.

Because we don't need reason and we don't need logic.
We've got feeling and we're damn proud of it,
Speeding motorcycle, there's nothing you can't do
Speeding motorcycle, I love you

-Yo La Tengo

The Injustice Of Living

2004-11-18T14:05:00.000-05:00

Why does it always rain whenever I straighten my hair?

PIXAR PROMOTES ANIMAL CRUELTY

2004-11-17T14:10:00.000-05:00

Last night I caught a movie with the DVDJERKS, Pat and Jenna.
The movie of the night: The Incredibles (or as the frenchies put it: Les Incroyables).
Now what is the best part about going to see a Pixar film?
Why thats easy. It's the short film that they always show before the feature presentation.

This short film started out with great potential. I was sure it was going to be my favorite one yet. It opened with sunny blue skies and animals in the wild. There was a sheep hopping and dancing along to a Woodie Guthrie-esque ditty. It was quite lovely...Until the mean humans came along in their noisy truck and grabbed the sheep. They shaved him clean and left him cold and naked and sad in the bitter cold rain. The little sheep was no longer happy and all the other animals made fun of him.

Thus enters stupid, moronic jackrabbit, hopping and singing along. He tells the sheep that it is not what is on the outside that counts, but whats on the inside. Now this could make just quite a moral fable, except that the Jackrabbit teaches the sheep to be happy with what he has, even if the mean men come around every spring and shave him.

The film ends with the sheep hopping through winter, all fluffy and proud, and then when spring comes along, he puts his foot out, allowing the men to grab him and tackle him and shave him.
Now I'm not sure what the intentions of this film are, but I'm pretty sure it send out a graphic message that torturing animals for our own pleasure is okay, because the animals will learn to be happy anyways... Or at the least bit that succumbing to abuse is a-okay, so long as you put on a happy face. Too bad I'm no longer a hippie... I'd so start a petition or something if I was.

And so we come to the moral of my story...
Never trust anyone from Montana.

SIDENOTE: The actual movie was incredible, hence the name. The teenage girl incredible was what Mary-Kate Olsen would be if Mary-Kate had super powers.

A DIALOGUE FROM A TUESDAY NIGHT

2004-11-16T21:50:00.000-05:00

This dialogue was recorded after dinner in my household, as I was preparing to leave for a movie.

me: *running down the stairs and into the kitchen*
Who wants to prove their love to me?

mom: I can't afford to prove my love to you. I'm broke.

me: just five dollars worth of love.

dad: I thought you had a job.

me: I know, but I'm saving up to be a better person.

dad: all I have is four dollars
*deposits change in my hand*

me: thanks dad. Oh but mom, I don't want you to feel left out.

mom: don't worry. I feel fine.

me: no, really mom. It's okay. I want you to be able to reach me with your love as well.
*fumbles through her wallet in the other room, grabbing a five.
THANKS. BYE.

Exuent me with nine dollars of love

THE END

WHY I HATE TECHNOLOGY

2004-11-16T16:57:00.000-05:00

first reason:
Today I almost got hit by a car crossing the street downtown, while trying to figure out how to use the text messaging on my phone.

For the record, it took me 10 minutes to figure out how to read a text message that was sent to my inbox, and another 25 minutes to figure out how to compose and send a reply.

I am happy to say that I am now a text messaging prodigy.
...But I still hate technology.

second reason:
They have installed new self-service cashes at most of the supermarkets in my area. Now instead of having to go through the "extruciating" activity of human interaction, you wait in line to use a machine that doesn't try to inflict conversation upon you.

Why the hell should I have to pass my own groceries through?
If I wanted to be a cashier at a grocery store, I would have applied for a job at one.
(one upside= I seem to have a gift for handling the machinery, unlike some of my unfortunate neighbours in line... But I still hate technology.)

HOW I FELL OFF THE HIPPIE BANDWAGON

2004-11-15T17:08:00.000-05:00

I used to be a good person.
I was an avid environmentalist and humanist.
I used to recycle, I used to run fundraisers, I used to eat only organic products and free range eggs and meat. I never used to download music. I quit my job at the Gap over child labour, and I condemned the corporate hohums a.k.a. the man.

Today I eat all sorts of meats and non-organic vegetables. I forget to recycle and I bought a Gap shirt last week. I just burned three mix cds. I have emersed myself in consumerism and have learned to love the money.
(I still listen to folk music of the indie persuasion, though).

I have joined the dark side... and I love it.

Goodbye Soulseek, Hello Limewire.

2004-11-15T14:22:00.000-05:00

I used to think I had it made with my Soulseek music downloader. I was able to find all the music I needed to fulfill my indie rock desires. I was also able to chat with others about my indie rock desires. Life was good, music was fun.

Oh how ignorance blinds us.

It all began Friday night, as my family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 85th birthday at a stuffy, not-so-lovely-but-quite-expensive french restaurant. I was complaining about how I was missing a new episode of Joan of Arcadia (I watch it for the god parts... its the closest I'll ever get to him) for such a retched meal. My cousin then suggested I download it from LimeWire.

"LimeWire you say? Will it hurt my new Dell laptop?"

"LimeWire carries no adware OR spyware, so you're as safe as Soulseek"
ENTER BRIGHT LIGHT

Is this true? It can't be? Music AND Video downloads with pretty yellow and green accents?

Now let me tell you that LimeWire and I are very happy together. This will certainly be a long and prosperous relationship.
EXUENT BRIGHT LIGHT AND I, HOLDING HANDS.

ipod, youpod, we all pod for ipod.

2004-11-11T22:35:00.000-05:00

I have absolutely NO idea what an ipod is and what the big hooplah is about it.

maybe I should go throw myself off the consumer cliff.

Why Going To School Only Causes Me Pain:

2004-11-11T15:02:00.000-05:00

I get to class 20 minutes late and I slide into a seat, trying not to make a scene as I attempt to peel off my layers of soaked clothing. The class: Modern Jewish Authors, although I'm starting to think that the name is just a technicality. We spend the next hour or so talking about nothing, as usual. It's now 1pm and I have no desire to wait around for my next class, which only begins at 2:30pm.

I decide to catch the 1:30pm train home instead of going to class. It's pouring rain and snow all at the same time (the "magic" of living in Canada) and I'm rapidly trying to make my way down the busy streets of Montreal to the train station as some guy stops me in the middle of this natural disaster. He's clearly an immigrant and although I am horrible with accents, I have a strong feeling that he is German. He asks for directions but once I give them to him, he doesn't go away. He compliments my hair and asks me if I want to go get some coffee. Now I'm not a fan of crummy weather and I'm also not a fan of creepy, immigrant boys.So I tell him to get lost (only I used the words "no thanks") and I continue on to the train station.

I'm sitting on the train catching up on some reading for school (Paradise Lost quiz tommorrow...god god satan god eve's so dense, adam's so noble, jesus, god, satan, satan) when these two french canadian boys take the seats next to me. They must be about 12 or 13 years old and they start playing some probably french canadian game, where they slap each other really hard and scream out french insults. I realize that studying would not be happening on this train ride so I take out my discman and turn it on, to be pleasantly surprised by the Bangles Greatest Hits blasting Walk Like an Egyptian. There is nothing better than 80s girl rock when you are drenched and in a pissy mood.

Anyways, two hours till I've got to drag my ass into work so I better go do some homework (a.k.a. watch an episode of the Gilmore Girls on my season one dvd set).

Toodles. Maybe later we can all get together for a ritual sacrifice of some sort.

Hollywood Connaisseur Extraordinaire

2004-11-10T19:30:00.000-05:00

It's Celebrity Scoop week on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. You know what that means... I could so be a millionaire right now. All that money wasted on Star magazine was not in vain.

Some lady named Virginia take the seat. She claims to be a celebrity connaisseur extraordinaire.
We shall see...
Well, she seems to be getting all the Reese Witherspoon and Anna Nicole Smith questions, but let's see how she does with the Serena Williams question. Holy Shit, this woman watches more Access Hollywood than I do.

She's at 8000 and on a roll. She's stumped on the Marths Stewart trial question but she pulls through. This woman really does have a gift. And they're going to give her a million dollars because she's so enthralled by other people's lives. Then she'll write a book about marriage and scandal in Hollywood and make more money. She'll go from desperate housewife to a-list socialite. Lucky bitch.

Oooooh, they're bringing in the Joaquin Pheonix questions. It worked and she asks the audience. As it turns out, 67% of the audience knows that Liberty is not a name of one of Joaquin's sisters' names. Or do they? Turns out Joaquin DOES have a sister named Liberty. And hollywood extraordinaire goes home with a mere 1000.

It just goes to show that reading Star magazine is just fruitless exercise.

Exploding Blogs

2004-11-10T19:02:00.000-05:00

I have just discovered the magic of BlogExplosion.
Wow...its like a party in my laptop and there's never a shortage of hard liquor.

anyways, to celebrate my newfound glory (not intended to be a pun on the band's name), I wrote a haiku:

what I'd say if I were married to Beck

Beck stole my Kraft cheese.

I'd get mad but he's too cute,

so he can have it.

Hugh Grant and the secret to immortality.

2004-11-10T14:55:00.000-05:00

I forgot about the potato kanishes that I had in the oven and they got burnt.

As I was eating the burnt flaky, jewish, potato-y goodness, I discovered the secret to immortality.

The end.

p.s. I heard Colin Firth is the new Hugh Grant. How do you think Hugh Grant feels about this?

School + Cartoons = Sushi

2004-11-10T10:10:00.000-05:00

I'm already bored of these blog things.
It was fun while it lasted, but there's not enough action.
And I don't like it how some people have those stupid popups on their blogs that do nothing but annoy people with the insane amount of mouse clicking you have to do to get rid of it.

Sorry, I'm in a bad mood this morning. I stayed up for a good portrion of the night, writing a term paper. Why do they call them term papers if they give you a thousand of them to do during the term. It's not like its the one paper of the term...It's deceiving, thats what it is...
Sharkie knows my pain, don't you?

Anyways, today I am cheating on my university and going to visit an advisor at another one to see about them maybe letting me transfer in the fall. Take that McGill, with your high MacLean ratings and your pretentious lit teachers!!

Alright, I'm outta here. I'm gonna go eat some early morning supermarket sushi. Then I'm gonna go watch cartoons and remind myself that there are only four weeks left in this bloody semester.

p.s. I was so bored with the blog, that I started another one. It's the chronicles of my job.
http://dvdpassionstaff.blogspot.com check it out. maybe. yes. bye.

O.B. Wan Kenobi

2004-11-10T00:19:00.000-05:00

I felt something weird in my sock as I was writing a lit paper, so I took off my sock.
I found a tampon wrapper in it.

don't you hate it when that happens?

Here's To You, Douglas Bowman.

2004-11-09T20:35:00.000-05:00

Well ladies and gentlemen,

We have reached a milestone of epic proportions. I have left my duties at bingovirtue.com to jump on the blog bandwagon. When first faced with the suggestion of starting a blog by one of my fans, I laughed at the thought of spending my time at a place that was called a blog. I mean, what are the origins of such a word? I get the LOG part, but what about the B? When I think of blog, I think of blah and then I think of verbal diarrhea (did anybody else get that from their own word association game?). Then a friend of mine commented to me about her 500 hits and high blog ratings and my competitive nature kicked in. I was suddenly hit with the need to beat her out. What can I say... It must be my instinctive urge to prove that people like me best.

When asked to pick a template, I was disappointed by the selection and wished for something with a little more pizazz. Maybe a duck hanging from a rooftop or something. But then I decided that one of the pre-selected templates would suffice, so long as it was designed by Douglas Bowman. I only picked this template because Douglas Bowman designed it and now everytime I log into my blog, I will think about how one day me and Douglas Bowman will meet at a Duran Duran concert and then we'll get married in the synagogue next to the run down McDonalds and then I'll forever be Mrs. Stephanie Bowman. With a name like that, I'll have no problem getting an ultra exclusive membership to an ultra exclusive golf club. Then I can be one of those bourgoie women who dress in golf suits and buy expensive golf clubs, but never make it past the club's bar. Oh Douglas Bowman, you little rascal...

So in case you would like to know what you are getting yourself into by pledging your loyalty to my blog, here's a little background on me. I'm a jewish, canadian university student who would rather spend her time creating blogs than opening to her schoolbooks. I work at a movie store and when I'm not buying discounted DVDs, I'm buying CDs at regular price. I was once an avid recycler but then I gave up on humanity when the photocopiers at school were unable to photocopy doublesided.

Well thats it for today... Keep those chins up and don't forget to suck up to a dwarf this week. One day they will rule the world, as Ben Folds predicted once, and you'll be sorry you didn't.

-Dr. Ajax