ATTN Kmart Shoppers: There Are Jews In Aisle 12.

I saw the light today.
My entire existence rectified by one miniscule, commercially inferior movie.
The friends and I rented The Hebrew Hammer tonight, the only way to properly culminate the evening spent with fellow jews of the neighbourhood. This glorious, and oh so GLORIOUS film starred Adam Goldberg (yuhuh, Waking Life) as Mordechai Jefferson Carver a.k.a. the Hebrew Hammer, who saves Channukah from the evil Santa, Andy Dick, along with his jewish girlfriend, Esther (played by that chick from Jawbreaker). Within the first ten minutes you get to watch Santa Clause get assasinated, and the jewish rhymes that are busted are no less perfect than a yoyo with a self-retreiver. The Jewish Justice League team up with the Kwanzaa Liberation Front, which leads to superbly inserted lines such as "I'm gonna kwanzaafy yo' ass, bitch".
Without giving away too much of this magnificant movie-going experience, I will leave you with the image of an evil Andy Dick santa clause, along with his irish Tiny Tim lover, handing out bootleg copies of It's A Wonderful Life to all the little jewish kids on the streets of Manhattan.
Go watch this movie before I smother you with potato latkes and shove a menorah up your bumbum so you can't poo the potato latkes out.
No, seriously...in all seriousness (and no, that seriousness does not cancel out the seriously... I'm serious)... this movie will change your life!!! Especially if you are of the jewish species, such as myself.