Confessions of a Teenage Pizza Face

When I was in high school, I had acne. I mean, I wasn't horribly cursed or anything, but I was no Cover Girl. A few zits here and there and that was enough to send me into a self-loathing teen angst. I was never a really self-conscious kid, so I never really let it bug me for more than a minute. By the time I hid it with cover-up, I had already moved on to more important things, like flavoured lip gloss and Ben Folds.

One day, I was on the phone with my best friend while trying to find the perfect accessories to go with my customary high school plaid skirt and polo t-shirt. After I settled on the multicoloured bangles and watermelon hair clips, I told her about this new zit that appeared on my forehead (one of the most ackward places to have a zit). She then answered me back by saying, "Tell it to go find another face. Yours has no vacancy".

That was one of the many major burns of my life.

Letters to a young (ish) nutcase

oh my god!

so there's this guy, Chris Roller, and he's suing David Copperfield, claiming he stole his "godly" powers. He's demanding $50 000 000 and 10% of all future profits.
Apart from the lawsuit, he claims to be some sort of god from another world.
He also claims that he will be running for President in 2008 with Bill Gates.
Oh! and he's selling real estate on Earth II- to the highest bidder. Don't delay!
You have to read his website! It's spectacular!
www.chrisroller.com
he claims that the Truman Show was based on his life story.
GO. READ. NOW.

One of my coworkers and I wrote him an email last week.
This is what it said:

subject: Regarding said magic powers

I am writing to inform you that there is no possible way that DavidCopperfield could have stolen your godly powers, because you stolethem from me!I expect them handed back to me via FedEx, with a month's supply ofcandy corn as interest.
yours truly,
Celestia (formally from the Planet ZXEPTON)

and this is what we got back:

subject: RE: regarding said magic powers

you were wonderful last night!

That was my short, but unforgettable encounter with a certified wacko.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (I TOTALLY DESERVE IT)

BAH! crazy crazy week.

Last week was anxiety week a.k.a. university applications are due and you haven't even started them week.
I am proud to say that I am procrastinator extraordinaire and I should even be given my own class to teach others my art.
I applied to my schools of choice the day they were due and then I hunted down a fedex man and forced him to deliver my applications for the cost of zero dollars. Not to mention that there happened to be a huge snowstorm that day... otherwise I probably would have dropped them off myself. I have to say that I am quite proud of my persuasion skills. The more annoying you are, the faster it takes to convince people to do your dirty work for free.

OH! And today is my birthday by the way! 20 years ago, my mother dropped dead of exaustion after pushing me out, only to find out that she had years and years of exaustion to follow.
My parents bought me a new tv and a three month membership to a gym for my birthday. I guess it's their way of saying "here's that tv you wanted, but here's a gym pass as well so you don't get fat(ter)watching it all day long".
Of course evcery single person I know had t o point out to me that today is also International Women's Day. That's fucking bullshit if you ask me. If Hallmark doesn't bother to make a corner in their store for it, the day doesn't exist, if you ask me! So today is my day and only mine!... and my uncle's too, I guess, since it's his birthday too.

This year we celebrated at my best friend's mother's house out in the country, seeing as she's a cripple right now and can't really move (if you wanna know why she's a cripple, read my last entry about my trip to the emergency room). The night turned out alright though because we played pin the tail on the donkey...for real. One of my better birthdays, considering my 18th birthday was spent trapped in a dingy bar because we got snowed in.

Anyhow, on the occasion of my 20th birthday, I have a compiled a list of why I like birthdays so much:

I LIKE (MY) BIRTHDAYS SO MUCH BECAUSE:
-Tooty Fruity gives you breakfast for free on your birthday.
-Work gives you a day off on your birthday.
-Friends give you anything you want on your birthday.
-Boys who said they hated you and never wanted to speak to you again call you on your birthday to wish you a good day.
-If you're me, a birthDAY can easily be dragged out to a birthWEEK (going out for drinks Thursday night, if you come, there better be a present).
-The people at the car wash give you free wax jobs on your car when you slip in that it's your birthday.
-People you didn't even know still exist send you cards because it's cool to jump on the birthday bandwagon.
-You get to pick whats on the menu for dinner when it's your birthday.

...and I'm sure there are other reasons to love my birthday, but its only a little after noon right now and this is all I've experienced so far today...

Well, I'm going to go wash my hair now because it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want!