...but i'm in europe: an MSN conversation

do you KNOW ritalin --> me
Paris a go-go --> good good friend who went backpacking through europe this summer


Paris a go-go says: i'm in paris.

do you KNOW ritalin: i'm in my house.

Paris a go-go: luckyy

do you KNOW ritalin: no you luckyy

Paris a go-go: i bought shoes today.

do you KNOW ritalin: great. so now you're all eurofied. our friendship is over, isn't it?

Paris a go-go: no, i'm not eurofied at all. i still like ice cream, only now i call it gelato.

do you KNOW ritalin: i'm packing for my ever so exciting trip upnorth for the summer.

Paris a go-go: you should come to europe instead and hang out with me.

do you KNOW ritalin: okay, i'll go get my thousands of dollars i keep stashed under my bed...

Paris a go-go: okay... i'll wait.

do you KNOW ritalin: SHIT! I CAN'T FIND MY KILL BILL SHIRT!!

Paris a go-go: we are leaving paris tommorrow. i will miss it. it's my favorite. better than italy.

do you KNOW ritalin: I'M NOT GOING TO CAMP WITHOUT IT!

Paris a go-go: okay... but i'm in europe...

do you KNOW ritalin: where did i put it last???!!?

do you KNOW ritalin: ARRGGGEDGGFHKFDGKDF!!!! ARG!!!

Paris a go-go: I don't know but i have to go soon and this is prob the last time i will speak to you this summer.

do you KNOW ritalin: i put it in the laundry! WHERE IS IT?!?!?!!?!?!

Paris a go-go: maybe your dog ate it.

do you KNOW ritalin: I'll kill her.

Paris a go-go: haha. do it. nobody likes her anyways. she's hella ugly.

do you KNOW ritalin: this is the worst thing thats ever happened to me.

Paris a go-go: i'm sorry. i have to go though. my internet time is up and i dont want to waste anymore money.

Paris a go-go: be good. don't hurt the children.

do you KNOW ritalin: bye, pray for me. have fun and stuff. dont become europed.

Paris a go-go: bye. i miss you.

do you KNOW ritalin: i miss my kill bill shirt.

Bad publicity is better than no publicity

So I got my first review ever for my blog.
How'd it go, you ask?

Well, I guess the summary reveals it all:
"a dull diary of a drama queen"

I'll give you dull, you pompus jerk!
Dull is a Sunday afternoon at the golf course.
Dull is a class on deductive logic.
DULL is your mom on the Fourth of July!!!!

I was given a 1 out of 5 for interesting content!
(although, now that I think about it, the content of my blog really isn't all that interesting... although I do tend to find myself overly amusing at times.)

STILL! Thats beside the point!

And who is this mystery reviewer, huh? HUH?!
I bet its some middle aged man who runs a blog about interest rates or something...
Now I know how Hilary Duff feels when Ebert and Roeper review her movies.
What does some stuffy old geezer know about a 20 year old's life?

And I'm SORRY that I can't seem to update my blog on a regular daily basis...
SOME of us have lives, you know!
I'm sorry if the first thing that pops into my head while making plans for a Saturday night isn't "gee, it's been awhile since I've updated my blog... Guess I gotta stay home tonight."

And DRAMA QUEEN?!
DO I LOOK LIKE A DRAMA QUEEN TO YOU????!!!!!


Okay, I'm done.
Anyone up for ice cream?

I WANT A WAVE POOL FOR JEWISH CHRISTMAS!

Attention Ty Pennington:

If Extreme Makeover Home Edition ever decides to redo my house, I would like it if you just forgot the whole house thing and just used my property to build a giant wave pool, like the ones they have at waterparks. Who needs a house when you have a wave pool?

Thank you.

Signed,
A sort of fan.

Holy shit, people. I went to Super Aqua Club yesterday and it almost killed me. I have this HUGE sunburn on my back that goes from my neck down to my ankles. I spent last night on my stomach in bed cuz I couldn't move. It was kind of worth it though. They opened this new slide called the Tornado and it shoots you down this crazy drop in a tube and then you get spun in a giant cyclone as if you were in a tornado. Hot stuff, I'm telling you. But of course, my favorite part: The Wave Pool. Words cannot describe the love affair I am having with the wave pool. I would marry it if I could. Its so fun, you almost forget to think about how many kids probably peed in the water you are swallowing as the waves crash over you.

In Tom Cruise news, there was a boy at the waterpark yesterday who looked exactly like Tom Cruise. Especially with his sunglasses. But his girlfriend was no Katie Holmes.
Oh ya, Tom Cruise got squirted with a water pistol and now the FBI has opened a new department, where they hire Feds to overlook celebrity outings.

So, I've been completely convinced that Katie Holmes is a complete dolt, and then I sadly remember the movie, Pieces of April, that she was absolutely amazing in. Its a small, indie movie about the black sheep of a family who tries to cook Thanksgiving dinner for her family. Katie Holmes has died hair and goth makeup and shitty clothes in it and a turkey gets past around between apartments. Those who have not seen should go and rent it. Its a great movie.

Rilo Kiley is performing on the late late show with whatever his name tonight. The show that used to be the Craig Kilborn show. Don't know the guy hosting it much but Rilo Kiley is one of my favorite bands. Watch it if you aren't asleep.

6 days until I leave for the summer.
don't miss me too much.
I should maybe go pack or something.
Word.

FREE KATIE?

Well, I'm back after almost two months, for that super small percentage of people who actually cared.

About 8 weeks have past since my last blog and since my dreaded unemployment... or so it would seem. Unemployment is actually the greatest thing in the world. All I do is lie in the sun all day and swim in the pool.

SMALL NOTE-
I'm leaving a week from Sunday for the summer, but perhaps I'll check in every now and again. I'll definitely have stories to share. I am going to be working at a camp for six weeks. But this is no ordinary camp. Our theme song goes "When I can't stop a jitterin', I just takes me my ritalin..." Its a camp for inner-city kids, who are all pretty much... well... crazy. I went there last year and surprisingly survived... with only semi-minor cuts and bruises.

Now, to the big issue.

Katie Holmes + Tom Cruise = True Love

Personally, I was rooting for Tom and Penelope cuz I always giggled at that whole Cruise Squared bit. But I guess Penelope, like the rest of them, realized that Tom Cruise was a cokehead, minus the coke.

Now there's this whole business with the free katie websites, etc etc... But if you ask me, Katie Holmes is just as psycho as her vertically challenged beau. I think they deserve each other, to have and to hold, throughout their whole hellish existence. Remember... she WAS on the Creek. (Forgive me, we all know I secretly LOVE the WB).

Now they'll get married... in the church of Scientology, with their respective life coaches standing by (cuz I assume life coaches come with their scientology memberships, if they are ever going to better themselves... god knows they can't do it on their own... they're celebrities!)
And once all Batman and War of the Worlds sequels are finished in their fabulous, new franchises, they'll divorce and Katie Holmes will go back to dating young, pretty boys, while Tom Cruise goes through yet another (is this his fourth?) midlife crisis.

Before I wrap up, I would like to send out my deepest sympathies to Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins, Justin Chatwin, Christian Bale, Micheal Caine, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Steven Spielberg, and Christopher Nolan, who have lost any chance of being able to legitimately promote these two crazy exciting movies that they so diligently slaved over.
I was actually planning on seeing both movies before this whole media stunt, contrary to Tom and Katie's publicists' opinions.

All right, I'm off to go make dip. Going to a party tonight and momma always taught me that one should always bring a homeade dip when invited to a party.

Later.
... To anyone who's reading.