I got into law school.

I got into law school.

I got into a good law school.

I got into a good law school in a great city.

I got into a good law school.

I got into law school.

Fuck.

reasons why I shouldn't go to law school

I spent the last six months of my life studying for the LSAT, taking the LSAT, preparing my law school applications, and hounding past professors for recommendations.

Now that all of my applications are sent out and all that is left to do is wait, I can't help but compile a list of all the reasons why law school is the wrong choice for me (which will come in handy in the event that I should not get accepted anywhere).

This is what I have come up with so far:

-I won't be the smartest person in every one of my classes anymore

-I'll probably have to stop wearing my watermelon hair clips and alligator t-shirt

-The boys will be assholes (upside: my classes will no longer be populated by a majority of girls and selected males who all happen to be gay)

-I will most likely have to move away from my awesome, tiny, million floor walkup apartment

-I'll have a permanent sore back from carrying heavy textbooks around

-My fabulous, sky blue, Mat&Nat bookbag will no longer be able to get me through semesters

That is all I have so far.

But I'm sure the list will grow as I become more and more anxious.

Now I Remember!

I want to fuck Jeremy Pivens.

No. Correction- 

I WILL fuck Jeremy Pivens.

That is all.

Oh and Sweetest Girl by Wyclef Jean is the greatest song of all time.

done;

So Close To Posting Something Real

AHHHH I had something really important to post, hence my unexpected presence here.

But then, in my long awaited return from the cyber-dead, i forgot my password into this place.

and after ten minutes of trying to figure it out, I forgot about what I originally came here for...

Whatever, I'm going to go eat some ranch flavoured crackers.

Peace.

i hate blogging

rawr.

suck it, cyberfreaks.

life goals

things i want to be when i grow up:

-a professional guitar hero player
-a professional rock, paper, scissors player
-a professional something
-posh spice
-no longer sick with the flu
-a half bat, half unicorn

I'm feeling inspired...

The worst thing you can ever do for yourself is get a 9-5 job and then go on two weeks vacation.

Its been quite a ride since I first started "blogging":

When I first ventured into this realm of cyber ponders and techno babble, I had just entered university, a bright-eyed eager first year student. I spent my days eating carbs and drinking coffee, complaining about professors and bad weather, and judging everyone and everything.

Now I am a grownup:
-I wake up at 6:30am every day to get to work for 8:30am.
-I brew my own coffee in my super cool coffee maker with timer.
-I pay bills and buy things like swiffer refills and kitchen sponges.
-I have not eaten a poutine in almost a year.
-I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, thinking of all the things at work I forgot to do.

I have to say that I have adapted quite well to this adult lifestyle. For someone who used to throw blind fits when woken up before noon, I function surprisingly well before the sun rises. Fattening "college" food has become a thing of the past, and I have traded them in for calorie reduced salad dressings and lean meats. And though I spend a lot of time avoiding any real responsibility at work, I have somehow managed to convince people of my work status credibility.

But-
All this progress was thrown out the window last week.
And how, you ask?

I went on two weeks vacation.

I felt my first taste of freedom a little over a week ago and spent the next five days on a euphoric high, running on pure adrenaline. It became night after night of bar hopping and french frie eating. I was suddenly invincible and my life became a place where I could down vodka and red bulls until 4am, where I could meet boys and regret them the next day, where I could tell my roomate what a douchebag hagface she was and wonder why she wasn't talking to me the next day, and where I could play video games until sunrise without feeling any shame.

Now this is all good except-
When you are used to waking up at 6:30am every morning, your body becomes incapable of sleeping in past certain hours. Five days in a row I would crash at around 5-5:30am and wake up no later than 8:30am. But thank god for second winds right? and third winds and fourth winds and fifth...

Needless to say, I crashed around day six and am still recovering three days later.

I never want to go back to work again.
I am becoming a full-time vacationer.

and Oh ya...
Merry Christmas and stuff.
I still don't understand why people buy so many fricken presents.
Don't they all just become obsolete and meaningless after you open the tenth present or so?

It's Friday Night and I'm Alone

Whatever.

It happens sometimes, so don't judge me.

It is 9:29pm on a friday night and I am sitting on my couch, channel surfing, blogging, and counting the minutes until it is no longer too early to go to bed.

My roommate is out somewhere, being young or something, and the apartment is nice and quiet.

Here is a play by play of what I have done during my friday night alone time (which can also be used as proof of why I should never be left alone at all):

-I ate 3 smores Poptarts (I'm not even sure how Poptarts made their way into my apartment)

-I bit off all of my nails (two of which I bit too far down and are now screaming in pain)

-I watched more commercials than television shows due to channel flipping

-I painted all my toenails different colours

-I tried on all of my roommates' shoes and then forgot what order she had them in

-I had a mini fit of rage over the lack of an air conditioner in my apartment and then stopped when I realized that air conditioning gives me a rash.

And thats pretty much it.
I'm gonna go watch A Model Life and then call it a night.
'Night.

OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN

I forgot about my blog for the tenth billionth time.

I guess that means I should probably write something profound to make up for it...

But I'm not going to...
Instead, I am going to write a rushed haiku, while I sip my coffee and get ready for work.

DUST:
Dust surrounds me here.
Damp, Smelly Cave. Makes me sneeze.
When did I last clean?

I will leave you with one final thought, as I flee my apartment, late as usual:

Why does Special K taste so much better than Rice Krispies?

my favorite time to poo...

... is after i have had three cups of coffee.

also,

my favorite time to nap is in the early evening.


and

my favorite thing to watch is How It's Made.
...i especially liked the episode on skateboards.

thats all.

WHY...

...Are cyclists so damn self-righteous??

Just because I drive a car, doesn't mean I don't own a recycling bin.

I've seen An Inconvenient Truth and I believe in global warming...

I just think its all irrelevant when a supernova could explode at any moment, sending an overabundance of gamma rays to earth, and changing our genetic makeup as we know it.

When that day comes, no one will be thinking about global warming.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR BLOG!

Do you ever meet someone and while you're talking to them, they invite you to visit their blog?

I don't fully understand this world where people use this online domain and instead of engaging in face to face debate, pursuade you to continue the conversation via blog entries.
Do these people not understand that nobody cares that they have a blog?

I don't really know why I find myself surfing through blogs sometimes, but if I have to browse through yet another mundane blog about political crossfires or somebody's children, I may just throw myself off a cyber-cliff.

I don't care what political party you support or what birds you like to watch.

I don't care if you like to write poetry and I CERTAINLY don't care if you think American Idol Gives Back was inspirational.

Somebody please give me something entertaining to read.

Signed,

An uninspired blogger

uncanny resemblance

Columbia Pictures Lady and Celine Dion

i noticed this last night for the first time last night, when i went to go see Spiderman 3 on the BIGGGG screen at the imax theatre.

Spiderman 3, by the way, s-u-c-k-e-d.

I'd prefer to call it Spiderman 3.7 Hyperdrive

the internet won't let me access my page?!?!?!

RGTIGDSLFRGFROG@#@%#@!@#@$@!!

whatever.

i'll just write things and never get to see them!

i leave for retard kid camp in two days.

now i'm going to go watch shalom in the home.

GOODNIGHT!


@#$#@%$%$!

i'm the world's biggest baby...and i need to move out of my parents' house

last night, i went out and drank too much beer.

4:25am, i threw up a few intestines.

5:50am, i threw up the rest.

...then i crawled into my mother's bed and cried and stayed there till 9am.

I'm a fraud

I have an ipod.

not just any ipod.

the VIDEO ipod.

in honour of such news, i invite you to visit a post from my glory days:
http://legomystique.blogspot.com/2004/11/ipod-youpod-we-all-pod-for-ipod.html

the days of inspiration are gone, indeed.

on another note, finding the money to buy an ipod is only half the battle...
itunes almost ruined my life.

the reason why i'm still a virgin:

...i'm saving myself for john malkovitch.

a university student's survival guide to final exams- written by a true underachiever

1) begin contemplation of study schedules a month prior to finals. it will take about 3 and a half weeks to actually implement one.

2) study anywhere except your place of residence. all places of residence have immediate curses placed upon them when you enroll at a university.

3) coffee can be used as a meal replacer, but only for two meals a day at most. i wouldn't suggest stretching it to three, but go with what feels right.

4) if you are looking for inspiration, i would suggest watching a few episodes of Felicity to see what real college kids do at exam time.

5) change study locations daily. once you've successfully completed a study session at a said establishment, it loses its charm.

6) takes naps during the day. after midnight is the perfect time to power study- please note that the residence curse is not in effect between the hours of 12am-5am. you may use this time slot to study at home.

7) yes, crying IS a sign of weakness.

8) no, breakdown is NOT an option.

9) if you are going to keep your cell phone on while studying, leave on a generic ringtone, as to avoid getting a tune stuck in your head.

10) wear unattractive clothing during study sessions outside of the house. now is NOT the time to meet boys... unless they are in your class and have a higher average than you. in that case, FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT!

Follow these ten tips and you are sure to make it through finals alive.
*NOTE* these tips do not guarantee high grades. only high spirits. well-not even. but you will get to watch a lot of Felicity.

good luck and god speed, my children.

10 REASONS WHY I'M GROSS

1- When I clean out my ears, I like to look at the Q-Tip to see how much wax buildup I had.

2- I like to eat ketchup on my Kraft Dinner (some people find it gross in itself that I eat Kraft Dinner).

3- When I was in high school, my friends and I would watch scrambled porn at our sleepovers.

4- I still swallow my gum sometimes if I'm too lazy to find a garbage can.

5- I sometimes look like i'm biting my nails, but really I'm biting my cuticles.

6- I have sex fantasies involving John Malkovitch (don't judge me).

7- I would rather pick a wedgie than sit in discomfort all day.

8- I do my laundry more often than I wash my hair (and I don't do laundry often).

9- my clean laundry pile is usually sitting under the dirty laundry mountain.

10- I'm wearing yesterday's leftover mascara today.

What one does in privacy...

Whatever people.
However gross I am,
I bet you are all ten times worse.

WARNING: Sexual Content- READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

Nobody reads my blog.

And I've come to realize why.

Although I fill my blog chock full of fun and drama, there is one thing I've left out and it is penalizing my popularity ten fold.

S.E.X.

Sex sells. Everyone knows it.
Carrie Bradshaw knows it. Jenna Jameson knows it. Fricken Jessica Simpson knows it.


Whether it's raunchy german poo on each other sex, or poolboy fantasy sex, or romantic puke me a river sex, people want to read about it (and possibly watch it).

It's everywhere. It's on tv, on the internet, in magazines, etc. etc.
If I filled my blog entries up with galant tales of sexual adventures and misadventures, I'd probably have one of the more popular blogs.

I have tried to base my blogs on other things such as yoyo tales and music rants, but the masses aren't having any of it. I understand that I need to change the content for the good of the people. I am willing to do it too. Hell, I'd sell my soul for a lot less. I am taking the lesser root. I am giving in like so many from the past have done. I will sex myself up with the best of them. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan will have nothing on me.


So here it is... a new me, a new blog, WAY new content.
Here is a start to a brand new view.
Here is my new blog, all about sex.
Here it goes:




SEX-

I'm not having any.

My So-Called Crap

I am a teen drama fiend.

The older I get, the more drawn I am to overwrought, underwhelming dramatic television. Perhaps it is because my high school past was nothing but dull and eventless. Or perhaps I just have bad taste. Who knows.

When My So-Called Life first aired on ABC, I was too young to actually care. I was at the age where I was still trying to salvage a secret interest in Power Rangers while outwardly pretending to be into Beverly Hills 90210 to impress the 6th graders at my school. I therefore never got to witness the Claire Danes/Jared Leto experience.

In light of the current trend of tv shows on dvd, I decided to venture into this 90s territory. My curiosity was mostly due to the number of people who told me that this show was created for those of the likes of me. Drama, flannel, cute boys, 90s grunge music... What's not to love? (I am actually proudly a HUGE Party of Five fan, if you couldn't already guess). Now, I had never seen this show before, but I had heard an awful lot about it. Claire Danes, Jared Leto this, and that, and this and that. So I was excited. Melodramatic character meets cute, musician boy. It was going to be great!

Boy, was I disapointed!

I hate this show! I hate it with every fibre in my body! Maybe I was just setting my standards too high, but it was not what I was expecting. First of all (and many of you are going to kill me now), I HATE JARED LETO! I used to think he was hella cute (pre Lindsay Lohan Britney Spears days) but he plain old sucks in this show. Not only does he provide no crush potential, him and Claire Danes together SUCK! I hate them together. Worst couple EVER! Here I was thinking this show was supposed to be all about Claire Danes and Jared Leto and I can't even stand to watch the scenes that they share together! His character is stupid and I hate him and I wish they would have killed him off the show. Then maybe the show would have lasted!

Also, I actually find the show sort of boring. I know its supposed to be a character drama, but its still boring as hell. I hate Claire Danes' mom on the show, I think she's a douchebag. I think her little sister is a crackhead. In fact, I pretty much hate all the characters. Except Brian.

Brian (aka badboy Sean from Roswell) is the only good part about this show. Someone needs to get Brian a girlfriend. He's the only reason I might finish watching the dvds.

I still have like 10 episodes left. Maybe it will pick up.
Probably not.
This show sucks.

Did I mention I hate this show?

K, I'm gonna go watch another episode now.

------
UPDATE (added on a few hours later)

I've watched a few more episodes and now I'm beginning to resent Brian. I used to feel bad that he didn't have a girlfriend but now I am finally coming to terms with the fact that its his own fault. He needs to stop being such a loser. It's starting to get creepy... maybe if he got laid. I still love him though... Good old Brian.

WHO GAVE FREDDIE PRINZE JR. A SHOW?

eh?

Karma kicked Zen's ass- 2 to 0

Today I learned that no amount of zen(zational attitude) can safeguard someone from the perils of karma.

The past few weeks have been too good to be true for me. Somewhere along the way, life just became easy for me. School was a breeze and quite enjoyable, working weekends was abolished and my new job was that highlight of my week, I was spending my weekends doing things I never previously had time for (such as socializing and playing), and best of all, I had suddenly taken on this completely zen attitude towards everything.
In short- I was in the zone. I was as in the zone as one can possibly be.

Of course, as soon as you put yourself in the zone, you become a target in a shooting range. I should have figured this out earlier. Nothing is ever good for long.

I begin with a trip to my local Speedy Muffler. I usually like Speedy Muffler. The boys who work at are nice to look at and have to bend over a lot, showing off their beautiful bottom, the service is quick, and the prices are fair. Now, my father has been "nagging" me lately (and I say nagging in a completely teenage sense) about checking my brakes and each time I shrugged it off with a "if I'm about to die a la brake problems, I'd know it" kind of attitude. Boy, should I have listened to him. It is okay to be zen, but being neglectful is another story, eh? I find out that my brakes are so far gone that I could die at any moment if I get back into my car without fixing them. Now, this shouldn't be such a big problem... Wait around for an hour or two, shell out a few hundred bucks, and be on my way, right? Buttttt.... I happened to have had a class scheduled for an hour and a half later in a town that was 45 minutes away from the Speedy Muffler. Holy cow, people... if one could die from fear of not being punctual, it would have been me. Luckily, I made it there just as the children were barreling in the room.
There goes a good part of my Zen-esqueness.

Now for the clencher!
I get home, walk in the door EXHAUSTED! I had 20 minutes before I had to meet my mother, my cousins, and my aunt for dinner and I just wanted to lie down for a bit to fight off my insane headache. I let my dog outside and washed my hands while I waited for my dog to come back. When she didnt come back, I headed outside to look for her, and what do you know.... as if my day wasn't bad enough, SHE HAD HER FACE IN A PILE OF DOGGIE DIARRHEA!!! I spent the next flippin' 20 minutes cleaning poo of her stupid, ugly dog face. (can you see all the zen escaping me while you read this blog entry?). Now not only was I emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, and headache ridden, but I was covered in "I just washed diarrhea off a dog" stench. And then I was expected to sit through a meal and socialize and care about other people when all I wanted to do was repeatedly bang my big head on a really hard wall!

So that's it. Karma bit me in the ass for all the stupid things I've said and done in life (like poking my dog repeatedly with a hanger when I got particularily bored) and wiped out all the zen I had to offer in me.

Zen Schmen! That Kay Sera attitude don't fly by me.
Back to neurotic, fucktarded Steph.
She's back and she ain't never going away.
Why should life be easy and breezy when it can be harder than a young man's penis while watching girl on girl pornography?

That's it! I'm through! THE END!

p.s. there's no such thing as stop, drop, and roll in hell!

p.p.s. i have a posse of six grade girls who follow me around during mad science and clean up my messes while i explain to them the horrors of high heels. i am soooo popular. i always wanted to be the leader of a popular girl clique. it is VERY clueless. only, it's sort of the anti-clueless, seeing as i teach them to denounce all fashion.

Sunday Things

The best part about quitting my job is that I have my favorite day on the week back: SUNDAY.
There are so many reasons why Sunday is my favorite day.
Sunday is when you do all those Sunday things that you would never do any other day of the week.
Sunday Things are those that you would never consider making time in your week schedule for.
The essential root of the word Sunday is Lame. You do lame, quaint things on Sundays.
As kids, many of us were brought up to consider Sunday as family day. On Sunday, you go shopping as a family (usually for 'lame' things like garden materials and groceries at the outdoor market).
Sunday is a day for apple picking, pumpkin picking, museum scouting, house decorating, flea markets, outdoor carnivals, drives to the country, drives to the mountains, etc.
Sunday is the day where we forget we have to go to work and school the next day.
Sunday is the day of the week that I pretend that I am not a young, hip 20ish chick living in a hella chic city, full of hella chic people with hella chic things to do.
Yes... I love Sunday.
I have almost forgotten how great Sunday is... seeing as I haven't had one in years... (summer Sundays don't count...the weeks in summer are endless. Everyday is a Sunday, yet no days are ever quite Sunday).

--------
SIDENOTE:

Elizabethtown is the WORST movie I have ever seen. I miss the good old Cameron Crowe who made Say Anything and Jerry Maguire. This movie was over two hours of agony. Nobody could have played this part worse than Orlando Bloom. By the end of the movie, I came to the conclusion that every single character in this movie was useless! (Except Chuck and Cindy... they should make a spinoff movie just about Chuck and Cindy's wedding).
The weird part was that after about two hours, the movie completely changed directions for the last 20 minutes. I felt like somebody changed the movie and I was watching something entirely different. The cinematography was all of a sudden interesting and beautiful, the dialogue was impressive and honest, and the finally switched the horrible Orlando voiced over narration to Kirsten Dunst. It was really the only honest part of this movie. And yet I was so jaded from having to sit through two hours of that crap, that I couldn't enjoy it. Cameron Crowe had something going with those last 20 minutes... Too bad he had to go and ruin the rest of the movie.
Definitely goes down in my book of shame.
shame, shame, shame....

FUCK YOU BLOG!!!

while this blog has been sitting here in a blog wasteland, i've been living the life over at myspace.com...

THAT'S RIGHT! I don't need this stickin' blog or any of you!!!

I have a new life!
A better life!

GO TO HELL!

Thanks. Bye.

p.s. why is Lost the best show EVER?!